Desperation

This post is part of a series on finding child care.

In my previous post, I talked about how we thought we had lined up a spot for Noob at an in-home daycare, only to find out that the spot wasn't available, just two weeks before Hubby's return to work.

Once that happened, I knew that in-home daycares weren't an option. I had already contacted every one within a reasonable distance from our home, and no one had openings.

Hubby and I talked seriously again about the Bright Horizons daycare center that had been our favorite center option. We both really liked it. But there was just one problem that I simply couldn't overcome: In the toddler room, the kids only got one nap a day. And Noob most definitely needed two naps! I think that sleep is so important to young children, and I had a really hard time compromising on that point.

Since the one-nap-at-1-year policy is pretty common in daycare centers, I asked some other daycare moms about how their kids did with that transition. For the most part, they said it went fine. I knew Noob would adjust OK if he had to. But I still felt like it wasn't the best choice for him.

One of the other moms told me, "Taking one nap just gives him more time to participate in that great educational curriculum at daycare!" That comment hit me in completely the wrong way. Noob is 1 year old. This might sound odd, but I totally don't care what he's learning. Sure, I don't want him plopped in front of the TV or stuck in a crib by himself all day, but at his age, day-to-day life is enough of a learning experience for him! He just needs to feel secure and loved, and to get plenty of one-on-one interaction. He doesn't need a college prep curriculum -- and he certainly doesn't need to sacrifice his sleep for the sake of any curriculum!

It was yet another sign that, as I mentioned in a previous post, the daycare centers we visited just didn't fit our parenting "style."

I couldn't get past it. Even Hubby could see it, and conceded that we needed to find a different option.

(As an aside, two months down the road, I'm really glad I stood my ground on this point. Even now, Noob does fine with one nap some days, but usually takes two very solid naps totaling 3-4 hours -- and still has no problem falling asleep for the night before 8 PM. I have to think it would not have been healthy for him to force him down to just one 2-3 hour nap.)

But given our short timeframe, our options were running thin. Feeling a little desperate, I decided to post an ad on craigslist. I had no time to waste interviewing people who wouldn't be a good fit for our family, so I was very upfront about a few of the "non-mainstream" things that are important to us: Healthy food options. Acceptance of extended breastfeeding. Minimal TV. Cloth diapering.

I only got one response back. I think I scared a lot of people off :)

The response was from a 21-year-old woman named "A." She was living with a roommate "L," and watching L's daughter, "S," who was right around Noob's age. A was fine with the things I had mentioned in my post and she actually used proper English spelling and grammar, which is rare to find among craigslist posters/responders :) (I know that sounds nitpicky, but when a post has a ton of spelling and grammar problems, I feel like that person simply isn't very professional.) And her home was conveniently located right on the route we already took to drop Littles off at preschool.

Despite all that, I didn't have high hopes, just because there are a lot of crazies on craigslist. But, well, we didn't really have any other options, so I figured A was worth a visit.

I was surprised when I ended up loving her. When I visited, L was there, too, and they were watching the child of one of their friends. It was obvious how much they both enjoyed being around and interacting with kids. Now, A did not offer a college prep curriculum :) But I definitely got the sense that A would provide the security, love, and interaction that I wanted for Noob, and that she would respect Hubby's and my preferences as parents.

Hubby visited separately (I had been so convinced that I wouldn't like A that I told him not to waste his time coming on the initial visit with me!) and felt much the same way. So we told A that we wanted to go with her.

I quickly got background checks processed for both A and L (since L only works part-time and would be around a lot when Noob was there), and called references. Everything looked good.

A week later, Hubby returned to work, and Noob went off to A's.

Searching for child care, round 4: Noob

I've blogged before about our various searches for child care for Littles. We recently went through yet another search -- this time, for Noob.

We knew from the start that Noob would not require outside child care for quite a while. Between my maternity leave (20 weeks), Hubby's paternity leave (12 weeks), and some assistance from my mother and mother-in-law over the summer in between our two leaves, we were able to keep Noob at home until just before his first birthday.

This meant that we weren't in any particular rush to line up child care for him. Still, while I was on maternity leave, I started visiting daycare centers in our area. I figured that I would pick my favorite and put money down to hold Noob's place. Then, as his start date drew closer, we could look at in-home daycares, nannies, and other options that could not be reserved well in advance. (Sending him to Littles' preschool was not an option, as it does not start till age 2.)

I was already familiar with virtually all of the daycare centers in our area from visiting them during previous daycare searches. I already knew that my top choice would probably be the same Bright Horizons franchise that we had almost picked on two separate occasions for Littles. In fact, I had visited Bright Horizons so many times without sending Littles there that I was a little embarrassed to go back again.

But none of the other daycare centers appealed to me. I finally realized the fundamental problem: Hubby and I have a certain parenting "style," and I couldn't find a center that fit that style. Sometimes, it was obvious, such as at the center that served Frito pie (Fritos corn chips, "mystery meat" looking ground beef, beans, and bright orange cheese) as a lunch, when we try to minimize fried foods and provide at least one fruit/veggie at every meal. Or the one that had an hour of TV time listed daily in the infant room, when we try to avoid screen time for our kids until age 2 and limit it past that point.

Sometimes, it was just a feeling. Many places felt very "institutional." I felt like Noob's basic needs would be met at all of them, but I didn't feel like he would be loved on and nurtured like I want.

I want to be clear that I am not anti-daycare center. I consider Littles' preschool to be a daycare center, and it doesn't feel "institutional" at all. I'm sure there are similarly non-"institutional" daycare centers out there that accept infants. I just didn't find any of them close to my home.

Anyway, after visiting all the places except Bright Horizons, I had only found one other that I would consider, a Children's Courtyard franchise. As luck would have it, both places are on the list of daycares available for backup care through my company. We had two stretches during Noob's time at home where we needed backup care, so I was able to get him in to both centers for a few days each. This was an excellent way to "test drive" both places.

The Children's Courtyard was one of the places that felt very institutional when I visited, and my test drive confirmed this. I peeked in to both infant rooms each day when I dropped off and picked up, and not once did I see a caregiver on the floor just playing with a child. They were always feeding a bottle, or feeding solids, or changing a diaper, or filling out a daily sheet. Not surprising, as they keep a 2:10 caregiver:child ratio in the infant rooms -- the maximum allowed by the state. Infants have a lot of needs, and from what I observed, the caregivers were busy meeting those needs, with very little time left over for anything else.

As for Bright Horizons, I was glad to have the opportunity to visit without actually having to visit :) and I was truly impressed by the care Noob received. He cried a little at drop-off each day, and the teachers were great about holding him while I left; at Children's Courtyard, they had plopped him in an Exersaucer. One day, when I came to pick him up, I was surprised and pleased to find the director of the facility lying on the floor with Noob and two other babies, just playing with them as their regular teacher prepared a bottle.

I knew that Bright Horizons was the only daycare center I was willing to consider. But again, I was embarrassed to put down money knowing that I might back out again. So the weeks went by, and we still had no confirmed child care lined up for Noob.

In my next post, I'll talk about how I looked at in-home daycares as an alternative to Bright Horizons.