The preschool search

This is my eighth post in a series on finding child care.

As I have explained previously, we used a stay-at-home mom (Kristi) for child care after moving to Dallas just before Littles' first birthday. At first, she watched Littles along with her own two school-age boys and another boy about a month younger than Littles. The boy's mother got laid off a month or two after we started, and Kristi never filled his spot. So once her own boys went back to school in the fall, when Littles was about 14 months old, it was just Littles and Kristi during the day.

Littles thrived in this situation and always enjoyed her time at Kristi's. Still, as she approached 18 months of age, Hubby and I started to feel that she would enjoy being around other children her age on a more regular basis.

So we started looking again at group child care settings. I had already visited virtually every daycare center within a 10-mile radius of our house during our previous search for child care, so during the early days of our new search, I focused on preschools. I hadn't visited these before because they didn't take children younger than 18 months of age.

We weren't necessarily looking for full-time care. I really wanted to find a program for perhaps 1-3 mornings a week, so that I could drop Littles off and then Kristi could pick her up and care for her in the afternoon and on the days when she didn't go to preschool at all. I found the preschools to be much more accommodating of part-time and especially part-day schedules than daycare centers. In fact, many of the preschools I looked at only offered part-time care for younger kids, and didn't offer care at all past 2 PM or thereabouts.

I had started collating a list of possible preschools and scheduling appointments when Kristi informed us that she was pregnant!

(As an aside, this is another downside of having a single caregiver: If that person decides that s/he no longer wants to take care of kids for any reason, you have to find a whole new provider. We were lucky that Kristi gave us plenty of notice. Some providers aren't as courteous.)

The timing really could not have been more perfect. Kristi told us about the pregnancy in January, and as it so happens, most preschools in our area do open enrollment in February and March for the following fall. This meant we really had our pick of programs. Had we found out about Kristi's pregnancy in April or later, we might have had to get on a waiting list, as many of the programs would have filled up during the open enrollment period.

Also, Kristi didn't mind continuing to watch Littles until the time that her boys got out of school, in early June. That gave us plenty of time to find a program that met our needs. The only adjustment we had to make was to look for programs that offered full-time care.

In my next post, I'll talk about what we ended up finding.

Full weaning!

I mentioned a few weeks ago that we were headed towards full weaning. It looks like we did it!

I got home from Seattle on a Friday morning and somewhat expected Littles to yell out "Num-nums!" the moment she saw me. But she didn't. In fact, she went five straight mornings without asking to nurse.

The following Wednesday, I had to do a very rare onsite customer visit. The morning was hectic, trying to get myself ready and Littles ready and get out the door. So of course, Littles decided that morning that she wanted to nurse for the first time in a week and a half.

OK, fine. We sat down and she latched on. Then she immediately pulled off with a confused look on her face. Which is strange, because even though I'm sure my supply was way down from not having nursed or pumped in so long, I doubt it was all that great before that, so it shouldn't have come as a huge shock to her that it took some effort to get something out. But she didn't even try. That's how quickly she pulled off.

"Other side?" I asked. She sat up and said, "Other side." So I switched sides and the same thing happened. "No more num-nums?" I asked. "No more," she said quietly. "Breakfast? Yogurt?" I asked. "Yogurt!" she said with a smile, and climbed out of my lap to go play.

On Thursday, I had to go back to the customer, so the morning was similarly hectic and of course, Littles asked to nurse again. The same thing happened. She barely latched and then pulled off and said, "No more."

That was almost two weeks ago and she hasn't asked to nurse since. I think we may be done for good, in which case, her last nursing session was on May 7, at just shy of 23 months of age.

When I think about those last two sessions, it makes me a little sad. The way she said "No more" in a quiet, sad voice. But I remind myself that this is a toddler who has no problem expressing her opinion if you don't give her something she wants :) I think about the morning when she was using one of my tank tops as a purse and getting very upset when the stuff she put in fell straight through the bottom. She apparently expected me to magically turn the tank top into a bag. "Bag. Bag! BAAAAAG!" she screamed, over and over.

So if that same toddler accepted my lack of milk with a quiet "no more," I don't think she was too upset about it. I think she was ready to be done, too.

As for me? I feel really good about all of it. The way we weaned was so easy and so natural. It felt like the right "next step" in our nursing relationship, just like starting solids and weaning off the pump when we did. I haven't had engorgement or any mood swings (well, I don't think I have, you should probably confirm with Hubby :) like I've heard some women complain about after weaning. I'm happy for all the time we shared nursing, but I'm also very happy to be done.

Kristi pros and cons

This is my seventh post in a series on finding child care.

As I have explained previously, when we moved to Dallas shortly before Littles' first birthday, we started sending Littles to Kristi, a stay-at-home mom to two school-age boys who watched Littles along with one other little boy (a month younger than Littles) out of her own home. So this was a sort of a cross between a nanny share and a very small in-home daycare.

I've highlighted some of the pros and cons of this situation below.

Interaction with other kids vs. 1:1 attention
About a month or so after we started with Kristi, the other little boy's mom got laid off. Kristi looked for another child to take his place, but never ended up finding one. So for months now, it's been just Littles and Kristi during the day. (Kristi picks up her two boys, along with another school-age boy, at around 3 PM, so Littles has some older kids to play with in the afternoon.)

I consider this to be something of a downside to this arrangement, and to be honest, I'm not sure we would have selected Kristi if we had known that that would happen. Littles loves being around other kids, and I think she would have more fun with a playmate her own age.

But there are also plenty of upsides to Littles being the only baby. Obviously, she gets plenty of one-on-one attention. I don't think that's as crucial for one-year-olds as it is for infants, but it is still important. It is also easier for Kristi to get out of the house with only one baby to worry about, so she was able to take Littles to different places, rather than always being stuck in the house. Finally, Kristi is able to tailor each day around Littles' schedule and interests. If Littles has a rough night, I know she can get some extra sleep during the day, without worrying about other kids waking her up. Or some mornings, as we're getting ready, she asks to read a book or go for a walk -- and then I can tell Kristi that and know that she'll do it, because she doesn't have to consider the interests of any other kids.

Rules
The daycare centers that we looked at tended to have a lot of "rules" in the toddler rooms. The two hardest for Littles at 12 months old: No bottles, and only one nap a day at a specified time.

Had we been looking when Littles was 18 months old, or even 15 months old, I don't think the rules would have been such a big deal. But at 12 months old, especially in the midst of a move halfway across the country, the first few months would have been very difficult.

Kristi, of course, didn't have any of these rules, and it was nice to give Littles the time she needed to grow up on her own, rather than forcing her into it.

I also like being able to provide Littles' food. None of the daycare centers we looked at would allow that.

Caregiver time off
One downside of any single-caregiver situation is that there will inevitably be a time when that caregiver is unavailable and you need to make alternate arrangements for care. That is certainly the case with Kristi, who asks for significantly more time off than our previous nanny.

Since my job is very flexible, and we also have an excellent backup care program available through our employer, it's rarely a problem to find alternate care for Littles when Kristi is unavailable. And there are plenty of benefits to a single-caregiver situation. It's good to know that Littles has consistency in care. And it's helpful for Hubby and me to have one person to communicate with regarding Littles' care, rather than having to talk to one person and hope that the message reaches her other caregivers.

So it's worth it for us to put up with the occasional inconvenience of having to find backup care. But if our jobs were less flexible, that might not the case.

Caregiver style
Kristi definitely has a different style from our previous nanny, Maria. She is more willing to listen to me and work with me on my preferences for Littles' care, which is good. I find that she and I tend to think alike in many ways anyway. She makes most of the same decisions I would make with regards to Littles' care, without much guidance from me.

She is less "cuddly" and loving than Maria was -- more like a teacher than a nanny, if that makes sense. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing, especially now that Littles is no longer a little baby. It's just different.

Location
We take Littles to Kristi's house, which means about a 30-45 min roundtrip each morning to drop off and each afternoon to pick up. Obviously, this is much less convenient than having a nanny come to our home, and also a little less convenient than most of the daycare centers we had considered.

Cost
Although taking Littles to Kristi's is a little inconvenient, it is also a lot cheaper! Littles gets 1-on-1 care just like she'd get from an in-home nanny, but at less than half the cost. Can't beat that!

Kristi also charges a little less than most daycare centers in our area. She does charge a little more than the average in-home daycare, but given that she watches fewer kids, that's quite understandable. (She told us upfront that she wanted to watch no more than 3 kids, and obviously it's been just Littles for most of the time. In contrast, most in-home daycares have 5-6 kids.)

Conclusions
Kristi has been really good for Littles. Certainly, she made Littles' transition from California easier. While I wish that Littles had some playmates her own age, I do think there are benefits to the 1-on-1 care she enjoys during the day. It's a little less convenient for Hubby and me, since we have to drive further each day and we have to find backup care with Kristi is unavailable, but the low cost and the quality care definitely outweighs those minor issues.

Still, earlier this year, we started thinking about moving Littles to preschool. Hubby and I both felt that as she got closer to age 2, she could really benefit from a larger environment with more kids her own age.

We initially looked at part-time preschools, thinking that we would keep Littles with Kristi for part of the week and send her to preschool for the rest of the time. But we found out at right around the same time that Kristi is pregnant. She is due in July, and wants to stop watching Littles around the time that her boys get out of school in early June. That worked out perfectly with our plans to transition Littles into preschool around her second birthday -- the only difference was that we needed to look exclusively at full-time programs, rather than considering part-time programs as well.

In my next post in this series, I'll talk about our preschool search, and our final decision.

Officially DONE with pumping!

I've been in Seattle this week. Since Littles got through my last Seattle trip with no expressed breastmilk, I didn't even bother bringing my pump along this time. I'm officially done with pumping! Yay!

We're also getting close to full weaning. Our PM nursing session has been slowly dropping off over the past few months. I'm coaching a high school girls lacrosse team, so I have a practice or a game about 2-3 weeknights each week, and I'm usually so rushed with picking Littles up and getting over to lacrosse that there's no time to nurse. Now that we're out of that evening nursing routine, both of us tend to forget even when we are at home. I think Littles has only nursed in the evening a handful of times in the last month.

I was more worried about the AM session, as that one has always been much more consistent (after all, where else do we need to be at 7 AM?) and Littles seemed much more attached to it. But, well, after 22 months, I'm ready to be done. So last week, I just stopped offering to nurse or even mentioning nursing in the mornings. I just get Littles up, change her diaper, and then ask if she wants to get some breakfast. Some mornings, she heads straight downstairs to the kitchen; other mornings, she tells me, in her inimitable toddler way, "No! Num-nums!" And then we nurse.

I'm interested to see how she acts when I get home from Seattle. Maybe she'll miss nursing and want to do it more. Maybe she'll realize that she really doesn't need to nurse anymore.

Either way is fine. I'm ready to be done, but I'm also OK with giving her a little time to catch up to me if she needs it.

For the record, I AM raising my child

I’m so bad about blogging when I’m not traveling for work. Which is too bad, because I’m only traveling about once a quarter now, and issues around working motherhood come up much more often than that.

Case in point. This past Sunday was gray and rainy, so instead of staying cooped up at home, we decided to take Littles to the aquarium. On the way there, an ad came on the radio for one of those companies that sets you up with a home-based business. The ad was aimed at working moms. "Are you tired of your kids being raised by daycare, rather than you?" it asked.

It's not the first time I've heard someone imply that I'm not raising Littles because I work. I just don't get it.

For starters, I grew up with two working parents, and I can tell you that both of them definitely raised me. As for my daycare teachers? I can't remember their names.

Besides, if I did stay home, and Hubby worked, does that mean that he wouldn't be raising Littles? If I stay home while Littles is young but then send her to school for kindergarten (rather than home schooling), does that mean that I will no longer be raising her at that time?

Of course not.

Anyway, I was there the moment that Littles was born. I choose where she lives, the clothes she wears, the food she eats. I choose whether she spends her free time playing outside or watching TV or visiting the aquarium or goofing off at home. I choose where she goes and what she does on vacation. I choose the role that religion plays in her life. I choose why and how to discipline her. I choose to be a role model to her, and I choose what that means. And perhaps most importantly, I choose to entrust her to Kristi during the day, precisely because I'm confident that she'll follow through on the lead that I set at home.

How dare anyone imply that I'm not raising my child? Ridiculous.

A big weaning milestone

I've had two days over the past few weeks where I left home before Littles woke up and returned after she was asleep, so we didn't get the chance to nurse all day. The first time, we were away from home, so bringing along expressed breastmilk would have been a huge hassle. Littles didn't seem to miss it. The next time, we were at home and could have easily given some frozen milk, but decided not to. Again, she didn't seem to miss it.

Last week, while I was in Seattle, Hubby and I decided to see if Littles could go the entire time (about 3.5 days, or 7 nursing sessions) without breastmilk. Not surprisingly, she did just fine.

It certainly simplified my life. I still pumped to keep my supply up, but didn't have to stress at all about how much I was getting, didn't have to carry the milk home, etc. Besides, I was pumping well under 1 oz at each session, so it really was hardly worth saving!

She's heading towards full weaning, slowly but surely. I'm ready when she is.

Almost made it

No tears today when I said goodbye to Littles. Hubby was taking her over to her sitter's as I got ready to leave for the airport, and it felt like I was just saying goodbye for the day, even though in my head, I know it's for three-plus days.

I flew through check-in and security, feeling like my old road-warrior self, with my brand-new carry-on luggage and no toddler on my back or car seat to struggle with.

I went to Starbucks for a venti latte that I could actually carry without said toddler and said car seat. I went to pull out my corporate Amex card to pay… and pulled out my zoo membership card instead.

That was something that certainly never happened to my old road-warrior self, who spent her weekends on the couch at home recovering from too much time spent in airplanes and hotels and airports, not walking around the zoo smiling at the look of absolute wonder on her baby girl's face.

And that's when I felt the tears coming to my eyes.

Ah well. I almost made it.