The preschool decision

This post is part of an ongoing series on finding child care.

As I have explained previously, we started looking for a full-time preschool for Littles after her sitter informed us that she was pregnant and would not be able to care for Littles as she neared her due date. We came up with three solid preschool options: two Montessori schools (which I will call Montessori A and Montessori B), and a daycare in the Bright Horizons chain.

I initially visited each school on my own. I liked all three, although each had its strengths and weaknesses.

Montessori A
Pros:

• Good word-of-mouth recommendations
• Directors able to clearly articulate the school's educational philosophy and approach
• Lunch not provided by the school. Parents provide lunch, either from home or through a partnership with local restaurants. (I consider this a pro, as I like being able to have significant control over what Littles eats.)
• Starts at 18 months of age. This meant that Littles could potentially start as soon as they had an opening.
• Two campuses, one near our home and one near our sitter's home. This meant that Littles could potentially start with 3 mornings/week at one campus in the winter/spring (with her sitter picking her up), and then move to full-time in the summer at the campus near our home.

Cons:

• In my discussions with the directors, I felt that there might be a little too much emphasis on academics and being "advanced." As I explained in my last post, my main concern is ensuring that Littles learns to love learning, not that she learns specific skills, and I wasn't sure that Montessori A shared that philosophy.
• In my initial discussion with one director, she made a huge deal out of healthy eating and said that she never, ever allowed junk food into the school, even for special occasions/parties. Then I found out from the other director that one of the local restaurants that the school partners with for catered lunches is Chick-fil-a. Along the same lines, I happened to visit the school on Valentine's Day, and saw tons of cookies, cupcakes, and other junk food. What concerned me most was not the presence of the food itself (I could opt out of Chick-fil-a for Littles, and everyone deserves a little junk food on Valentine's Day!) but the fact that the director had made such a big deal out of healthy food over the phone but apparently ignored it in practice.
• Some things made me question how closely the school adhered to the Montessori philosophy. For example, one of the core tenets of Montessori is mixed-age classrooms (three-year age range), yet most of the Montessori A classrooms seemed to have no more than a two-year age range amongst the students.
• This preschool had a very strange licensing violation, regarding transporting a child between two vehicles while parked on the shoulder of a highway.

Montessori B
Pros:

• Good word-of-mouth recommendations
• Director able to clearly articulate the school's educational philosophy and approach.
• Director specifically emphasized teaching a love of learning over teaching specific skills (unprompted by me)
• Lunch not provided by the school. (See above for why this is a pro for me.)
• Smaller school with just three classrooms total. The director said that it has a "family" feel, where all the kids know each other, and I could definitely sense that when I visited.
• Cheaper than the other two options ($715/month for full-time care, compared to around $850/month for the other two)
• Only licensing violations are paperwork issues (e.g. missing physician information)

Cons:

• Significantly further from our home than the other two options, although still closer than our current sitter. (We actually passed Montessori B every day on the way to our sitter's home.)
• Only takes children starting at age 2. They were willing to take Littles a few weeks shy of her second birthday, but there was no way for her to ease into preschool by starting part-time in the winter/spring.
• Higher student-teacher ratio than the other two preschools, although I believe the class size quoted to me (18 students to two teachers in the "beginner" room) included a significant number of part-timers. It's also worth noting that Montessori does not specifically emphasize low student-teacher ratios, because the idea is that students learn from other students as well as from teachers.
• This may sound silly, but the playground is smaller and has less equipment (especially for kids Littles' age) compared to the other two schools. Also, the other two schools had covered outdoor playgrounds (very important for hot Texas summers!) while Montessori B's playground is uncovered.

Bright Horizons
Pros:

• Some good recommendations from people with children in the infant room at this specific center, and many good recommendations for the Bright Horizons chain in general.
• NAEYC accredited
• Director able to clearly articulate the school's educational philosophy and approach.
• Low student-teacher ratio, and the director specifically mentioned that they keep the ratios below where the corporate office would like them to be because they felt it just worked better that way (even though the corporate office's desired ratios are still well below state maximums)
• Accepts children as young as six weeks, so if we have another child, s/he could go there as well.
• Immediate part-time openings, so we could start Littles two days/week in the winter/spring and then ease into full-time in the summer.
• Smaller center, no "corporate" feel even though it is part of a nationwide chain.

Cons:

• Lunch provided by the school. The menu wasn't bad -- I could definitely live with it -- but I prefer to provide food.
• A licensing violation around not reporting that the infant room had flooded and was unsafe for children. The director explained that they temporarily moved the infants to another room, but still, how can you forget to notify licensing about something like that?

The decision
After visiting all three schools by myself, I was leaning towards Bright Horizons. I liked their curriculum, I liked their teachers and their director, I liked the idea of being able to start Littles part-time at first, I liked the idea of not having to drive so frickin' far to drop her off!

I then went back to visit all three schools with Hubby.

We went to Bright Horizons first, and he walked away saying, "Now I remember why we liked that place so much when we looked at it before." (We had come very close to placing Littles at Bright Horizons back around her first birthday. Full story here.)

We went to Montessori B next. I was really curious to see Hubby's reaction. It was probably the most "unique" of our three options, which can be a good thing or a bad thing!

The director took us into one of the classrooms and spent probably 30 minutes talking to us about Montessori, showing us the various materials available to the students, etc. Hubby seemed interested, but I wasn't sure if he was just being polite. Finally, the director left the room to get something else to show us and Hubby mouthed to me, "I like this place!" After we wrapped up at the school, we went out to lunch to debrief, and Hubby couldn't stop raving about it. He liked it more than Bright Horizons -- and after that second visit, I did as well.

Finally, we visited Montessori A. We had a less-than-impressive tour with one of the staff members. (My initial tour had been with one of the directors.) She admitted that she came from a traditional daycare background and really struggled to explain Montessori concepts and how they were implemented at her school. To give A a fair shake, I did explain to Hubby that the directors at A could talk about Montessori just as articulately as the director at B had done, but it didn't really matter. We were both completely sold on Montessori B.

So... Littles starts at Montessori B on Monday. I'm very excited about it. I think she'll really enjoy being in a larger environment, and I think she'll learn a lot. I am nervous about the transition, and I definitely think the first few weeks will be tough, with lots of tears at drop-off. But hopefully, she'll settle in quickly and start loving it!

Preschool options

This is my ninth post in a series on finding child care.

As I have explained previously, we started looking for a full-time preschool for Littles in early 2009, after her sitter informed us that she was pregnant and would not be able to care for Littles starting in the summer of 2009.

Coincidentally, our neighbors have a son who is just a few weeks younger than Littles, and they were looking for a preschool as well. They gave us recommendations for two excellent Montessori schools in the area, which I will call Montessori A and Montessori B.

I could easily devote an entire blog post -- or, heck, an entire blog -- to explaining the Montessori philosophy, so I'll try to be brief. It's an alternative educational method that is child-centered, rather than teacher-directed. Children are allowed to choose the educational activities that they participate in, with guidance from their teachers, of course. If you're interested in learning more, I found this "Montessori 101" guide to be an excellent introduction.

One important thing to realize about Montessori is that it is a philosophy, not a chain or a franchise, so individual Montessori schools can differ drastically. For that reason, I knew it was important to take a close look at both schools and see what I thought.

I had a 30-minute discussion with the director of Montessori A over the phone before I visited, and I loved everything I heard. She was able to clearly articulate the school's educational philosophy, and it sounded wonderful. She also put a strong emphasis on active parental involvement, both in the actual educational experience and in non-educational areas such as providing healthy food, ensuring that kids get plenty of sleep, etc. Finally, Montessori A had two campuses, one close to our home and another close to our sitter's home. That meant it might be possible for Littles to start out with three mornings a week in late winter/spring (with her sitter picking her up in the afternoon), then move to full-time in the summer, which was a nice option.

I looked briefly at Montessori B, but eliminated it early on because: a) it was significantly further away from our home than the other options (although still closer than our sitter's house) and b) it started at age 2, not 18 months, so starting Littles part-time in late winter/spring was not an option.

Then, I happened to attend a "preschool fair." (Basically, it was set up in a room at the local library, and a bunch of area preschools sent representatives. So you could go from table to table and talk to different preschools about their programs.) The director of Montessori B flagged me down and started talking to me about her school. Something about it immediately appealed to me. The director was just as articulate about B's educational philosophy as A's director had been, but there were some subtle differences. For example, A's director had bragged that most of her four-year-olds were reading. This made me wonder, "What about your four-year-olds who aren't reading? How do you feel about them?"

See, while I would love for Littles to be able to read at age four, I also don't see it as necessarily being a "goal" or a point of pride. The A-number-one most important thing to me right now is not that Littles learns specific skills (e.g. reading, math) but that she learns to love learning. I figure if she has a love of learning instilled in her at an early age, the specific skills will follow in time.

I had figured this out in my head long before talking to B's director, so it was neat to hear her talk about instilling the love of learning as well. She did mention that most of her four-year-olds are reading but was quick to follow up and say, "We work with each child individually on reading, and go at whatever pace they need." I just got a very good feeling from her, all around.

After that talk, I put Montessori B back on our list.

To round out the list, I also decided to look at a more traditional preschool/daycare. I chose the same Bright Horizons center that we had almost sent Littles to when we first moved to Dallas, since Hubby and I had both really liked it. I talked at length with the director about its educational philosophy and how it differed from Montessori. It was more child-centered than most of the other chain daycares I visited, which had a prescribed curriculum dictated by the central corporate office. At Bright Horizons, teachers were encouraged to come up with their own lesson plans based on the interests of their students. I definitely felt that the curriculum was well-thought-through and structured enough to ensure kids were learning while still allowing plenty of time for fun and play.

Another benefit of Bright Horizons was that they had immediate part-time openings, so Littles could potentially go two full days a week through late winter/spring (spending the other three days with her sitter) and then move to full-time in the summer.

I looked at a few other daycares and Montessori schools in the area, but these three stood out as my favorites. Hubby and I took a few days to go back and visit all three together, and then we made our final decision.

In my next post, I'll talk about which school we chose and why.

The preschool search

This is my eighth post in a series on finding child care.

As I have explained previously, we used a stay-at-home mom (Kristi) for child care after moving to Dallas just before Littles' first birthday. At first, she watched Littles along with her own two school-age boys and another boy about a month younger than Littles. The boy's mother got laid off a month or two after we started, and Kristi never filled his spot. So once her own boys went back to school in the fall, when Littles was about 14 months old, it was just Littles and Kristi during the day.

Littles thrived in this situation and always enjoyed her time at Kristi's. Still, as she approached 18 months of age, Hubby and I started to feel that she would enjoy being around other children her age on a more regular basis.

So we started looking again at group child care settings. I had already visited virtually every daycare center within a 10-mile radius of our house during our previous search for child care, so during the early days of our new search, I focused on preschools. I hadn't visited these before because they didn't take children younger than 18 months of age.

We weren't necessarily looking for full-time care. I really wanted to find a program for perhaps 1-3 mornings a week, so that I could drop Littles off and then Kristi could pick her up and care for her in the afternoon and on the days when she didn't go to preschool at all. I found the preschools to be much more accommodating of part-time and especially part-day schedules than daycare centers. In fact, many of the preschools I looked at only offered part-time care for younger kids, and didn't offer care at all past 2 PM or thereabouts.

I had started collating a list of possible preschools and scheduling appointments when Kristi informed us that she was pregnant!

(As an aside, this is another downside of having a single caregiver: If that person decides that s/he no longer wants to take care of kids for any reason, you have to find a whole new provider. We were lucky that Kristi gave us plenty of notice. Some providers aren't as courteous.)

The timing really could not have been more perfect. Kristi told us about the pregnancy in January, and as it so happens, most preschools in our area do open enrollment in February and March for the following fall. This meant we really had our pick of programs. Had we found out about Kristi's pregnancy in April or later, we might have had to get on a waiting list, as many of the programs would have filled up during the open enrollment period.

Also, Kristi didn't mind continuing to watch Littles until the time that her boys got out of school, in early June. That gave us plenty of time to find a program that met our needs. The only adjustment we had to make was to look for programs that offered full-time care.

In my next post, I'll talk about what we ended up finding.

Full weaning!

I mentioned a few weeks ago that we were headed towards full weaning. It looks like we did it!

I got home from Seattle on a Friday morning and somewhat expected Littles to yell out "Num-nums!" the moment she saw me. But she didn't. In fact, she went five straight mornings without asking to nurse.

The following Wednesday, I had to do a very rare onsite customer visit. The morning was hectic, trying to get myself ready and Littles ready and get out the door. So of course, Littles decided that morning that she wanted to nurse for the first time in a week and a half.

OK, fine. We sat down and she latched on. Then she immediately pulled off with a confused look on her face. Which is strange, because even though I'm sure my supply was way down from not having nursed or pumped in so long, I doubt it was all that great before that, so it shouldn't have come as a huge shock to her that it took some effort to get something out. But she didn't even try. That's how quickly she pulled off.

"Other side?" I asked. She sat up and said, "Other side." So I switched sides and the same thing happened. "No more num-nums?" I asked. "No more," she said quietly. "Breakfast? Yogurt?" I asked. "Yogurt!" she said with a smile, and climbed out of my lap to go play.

On Thursday, I had to go back to the customer, so the morning was similarly hectic and of course, Littles asked to nurse again. The same thing happened. She barely latched and then pulled off and said, "No more."

That was almost two weeks ago and she hasn't asked to nurse since. I think we may be done for good, in which case, her last nursing session was on May 7, at just shy of 23 months of age.

When I think about those last two sessions, it makes me a little sad. The way she said "No more" in a quiet, sad voice. But I remind myself that this is a toddler who has no problem expressing her opinion if you don't give her something she wants :) I think about the morning when she was using one of my tank tops as a purse and getting very upset when the stuff she put in fell straight through the bottom. She apparently expected me to magically turn the tank top into a bag. "Bag. Bag! BAAAAAG!" she screamed, over and over.

So if that same toddler accepted my lack of milk with a quiet "no more," I don't think she was too upset about it. I think she was ready to be done, too.

As for me? I feel really good about all of it. The way we weaned was so easy and so natural. It felt like the right "next step" in our nursing relationship, just like starting solids and weaning off the pump when we did. I haven't had engorgement or any mood swings (well, I don't think I have, you should probably confirm with Hubby :) like I've heard some women complain about after weaning. I'm happy for all the time we shared nursing, but I'm also very happy to be done.

Kristi pros and cons

This is my seventh post in a series on finding child care.

As I have explained previously, when we moved to Dallas shortly before Littles' first birthday, we started sending Littles to Kristi, a stay-at-home mom to two school-age boys who watched Littles along with one other little boy (a month younger than Littles) out of her own home. So this was a sort of a cross between a nanny share and a very small in-home daycare.

I've highlighted some of the pros and cons of this situation below.

Interaction with other kids vs. 1:1 attention
About a month or so after we started with Kristi, the other little boy's mom got laid off. Kristi looked for another child to take his place, but never ended up finding one. So for months now, it's been just Littles and Kristi during the day. (Kristi picks up her two boys, along with another school-age boy, at around 3 PM, so Littles has some older kids to play with in the afternoon.)

I consider this to be something of a downside to this arrangement, and to be honest, I'm not sure we would have selected Kristi if we had known that that would happen. Littles loves being around other kids, and I think she would have more fun with a playmate her own age.

But there are also plenty of upsides to Littles being the only baby. Obviously, she gets plenty of one-on-one attention. I don't think that's as crucial for one-year-olds as it is for infants, but it is still important. It is also easier for Kristi to get out of the house with only one baby to worry about, so she was able to take Littles to different places, rather than always being stuck in the house. Finally, Kristi is able to tailor each day around Littles' schedule and interests. If Littles has a rough night, I know she can get some extra sleep during the day, without worrying about other kids waking her up. Or some mornings, as we're getting ready, she asks to read a book or go for a walk -- and then I can tell Kristi that and know that she'll do it, because she doesn't have to consider the interests of any other kids.

Rules
The daycare centers that we looked at tended to have a lot of "rules" in the toddler rooms. The two hardest for Littles at 12 months old: No bottles, and only one nap a day at a specified time.

Had we been looking when Littles was 18 months old, or even 15 months old, I don't think the rules would have been such a big deal. But at 12 months old, especially in the midst of a move halfway across the country, the first few months would have been very difficult.

Kristi, of course, didn't have any of these rules, and it was nice to give Littles the time she needed to grow up on her own, rather than forcing her into it.

I also like being able to provide Littles' food. None of the daycare centers we looked at would allow that.

Caregiver time off
One downside of any single-caregiver situation is that there will inevitably be a time when that caregiver is unavailable and you need to make alternate arrangements for care. That is certainly the case with Kristi, who asks for significantly more time off than our previous nanny.

Since my job is very flexible, and we also have an excellent backup care program available through our employer, it's rarely a problem to find alternate care for Littles when Kristi is unavailable. And there are plenty of benefits to a single-caregiver situation. It's good to know that Littles has consistency in care. And it's helpful for Hubby and me to have one person to communicate with regarding Littles' care, rather than having to talk to one person and hope that the message reaches her other caregivers.

So it's worth it for us to put up with the occasional inconvenience of having to find backup care. But if our jobs were less flexible, that might not the case.

Caregiver style
Kristi definitely has a different style from our previous nanny, Maria. She is more willing to listen to me and work with me on my preferences for Littles' care, which is good. I find that she and I tend to think alike in many ways anyway. She makes most of the same decisions I would make with regards to Littles' care, without much guidance from me.

She is less "cuddly" and loving than Maria was -- more like a teacher than a nanny, if that makes sense. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing, especially now that Littles is no longer a little baby. It's just different.

Location
We take Littles to Kristi's house, which means about a 30-45 min roundtrip each morning to drop off and each afternoon to pick up. Obviously, this is much less convenient than having a nanny come to our home, and also a little less convenient than most of the daycare centers we had considered.

Cost
Although taking Littles to Kristi's is a little inconvenient, it is also a lot cheaper! Littles gets 1-on-1 care just like she'd get from an in-home nanny, but at less than half the cost. Can't beat that!

Kristi also charges a little less than most daycare centers in our area. She does charge a little more than the average in-home daycare, but given that she watches fewer kids, that's quite understandable. (She told us upfront that she wanted to watch no more than 3 kids, and obviously it's been just Littles for most of the time. In contrast, most in-home daycares have 5-6 kids.)

Conclusions
Kristi has been really good for Littles. Certainly, she made Littles' transition from California easier. While I wish that Littles had some playmates her own age, I do think there are benefits to the 1-on-1 care she enjoys during the day. It's a little less convenient for Hubby and me, since we have to drive further each day and we have to find backup care with Kristi is unavailable, but the low cost and the quality care definitely outweighs those minor issues.

Still, earlier this year, we started thinking about moving Littles to preschool. Hubby and I both felt that as she got closer to age 2, she could really benefit from a larger environment with more kids her own age.

We initially looked at part-time preschools, thinking that we would keep Littles with Kristi for part of the week and send her to preschool for the rest of the time. But we found out at right around the same time that Kristi is pregnant. She is due in July, and wants to stop watching Littles around the time that her boys get out of school in early June. That worked out perfectly with our plans to transition Littles into preschool around her second birthday -- the only difference was that we needed to look exclusively at full-time programs, rather than considering part-time programs as well.

In my next post in this series, I'll talk about our preschool search, and our final decision.

Officially DONE with pumping!

I've been in Seattle this week. Since Littles got through my last Seattle trip with no expressed breastmilk, I didn't even bother bringing my pump along this time. I'm officially done with pumping! Yay!

We're also getting close to full weaning. Our PM nursing session has been slowly dropping off over the past few months. I'm coaching a high school girls lacrosse team, so I have a practice or a game about 2-3 weeknights each week, and I'm usually so rushed with picking Littles up and getting over to lacrosse that there's no time to nurse. Now that we're out of that evening nursing routine, both of us tend to forget even when we are at home. I think Littles has only nursed in the evening a handful of times in the last month.

I was more worried about the AM session, as that one has always been much more consistent (after all, where else do we need to be at 7 AM?) and Littles seemed much more attached to it. But, well, after 22 months, I'm ready to be done. So last week, I just stopped offering to nurse or even mentioning nursing in the mornings. I just get Littles up, change her diaper, and then ask if she wants to get some breakfast. Some mornings, she heads straight downstairs to the kitchen; other mornings, she tells me, in her inimitable toddler way, "No! Num-nums!" And then we nurse.

I'm interested to see how she acts when I get home from Seattle. Maybe she'll miss nursing and want to do it more. Maybe she'll realize that she really doesn't need to nurse anymore.

Either way is fine. I'm ready to be done, but I'm also OK with giving her a little time to catch up to me if she needs it.

For the record, I AM raising my child

I’m so bad about blogging when I’m not traveling for work. Which is too bad, because I’m only traveling about once a quarter now, and issues around working motherhood come up much more often than that.

Case in point. This past Sunday was gray and rainy, so instead of staying cooped up at home, we decided to take Littles to the aquarium. On the way there, an ad came on the radio for one of those companies that sets you up with a home-based business. The ad was aimed at working moms. "Are you tired of your kids being raised by daycare, rather than you?" it asked.

It's not the first time I've heard someone imply that I'm not raising Littles because I work. I just don't get it.

For starters, I grew up with two working parents, and I can tell you that both of them definitely raised me. As for my daycare teachers? I can't remember their names.

Besides, if I did stay home, and Hubby worked, does that mean that he wouldn't be raising Littles? If I stay home while Littles is young but then send her to school for kindergarten (rather than home schooling), does that mean that I will no longer be raising her at that time?

Of course not.

Anyway, I was there the moment that Littles was born. I choose where she lives, the clothes she wears, the food she eats. I choose whether she spends her free time playing outside or watching TV or visiting the aquarium or goofing off at home. I choose where she goes and what she does on vacation. I choose the role that religion plays in her life. I choose why and how to discipline her. I choose to be a role model to her, and I choose what that means. And perhaps most importantly, I choose to entrust her to Kristi during the day, precisely because I'm confident that she'll follow through on the lead that I set at home.

How dare anyone imply that I'm not raising my child? Ridiculous.