Big girl

Hard to believe it's been a full year since Littles started at her preschool.

This morning, when I dropped her off, she put her lunch on the shelf and her school bag in her cubby, then pulled out a mat and chose a Montessori work to do. All by herself.

Another girl, B, was hanging back in a corner of the room, fingers in her mouth, watching the other kids, a little unsure of what to do. She is new to the class, so I'm guessing she just recently turned two. She looks so tiny! Watching her this morning, it struck me that that is what Littles looked like a year ago.

And now look at her. My big girl.

Her teachers report that she's doing really well with her own work and is also great at helping with the other kids. She'll stay in the introductory room through the summer, and then move up to one of the primary rooms in the fall.

Just a few months ago, the idea of moving up made me really nervous. I still saw her as that not-quite-two-year-old who I dropped off a year ago. Now I can see that she's ready. She's grown and learned so much in her current class, and we'll miss her teachers tremendously, but I think she'll thrive on the challenges that the primary room presents.

Maternity leave

Long time, no post, I know. I've been busy.

Noob arrived a few days before his due date, on January 31st, and I have been on maternity leave ever since.

I'm lucky to work for a fabulous company that offers up to 20 weeks of maternity leave to new mothers, including 12 weeks fully paid. I'm currently two weeks away from my return-to-work date.

I've enjoyed my maternity leave tremendously. Much more than I did with Littles. Some of this is likely due to our changed family circumstances. When Littles was born, Hubby was working long hours at a startup company, and had a 45-minute commute on top of it. He also traveled monthly. Now, he works shorter hours at an office that's 5 minutes away, and last week was his first business trip since Noob's birth. He is around a lot more, which takes a load off my shoulders. It also makes me happy to see him with his kids so much more. His new job gives him more time to be the amazing daddy he's always been.

Some of this is likely due to the fact that I'm enjoying Noob's entire newborn stage more than I did Littles'. He is a ridiculously easy baby. Not that she was difficult, by any means, but he's even easier. And now I know that even the occasional difficult moments are just... moments. They'll pass quickly. And all those wonderful moments? They'll pass even more quickly.

And some of this, I think, is the confidence that comes with having 2+ years of working motherhood under my belt. I remember checking my work email a lot in the early weeks of my maternity leave with Littles. After all, work was what I had done for, well, my entire career. I didn't know how to let go. I didn't want to let go, because I knew I was good at my job, but I didn't know if I'd be any good at this motherhood thing. In some ways, I didn't want to be good at it, because then maybe I would feel like I should do it full-time. I didn't want to enjoy myself on maternity leave, because then maybe I would think I should make my leave permanent.

Now? I know that I'm good at this motherhood thing. Being home for this long, I've discovered that I really could be a stay-at-home mom. I love it that much. I can't justify my decision to work by saying, "I'm not cut out to stay at home." Because I am.

But that doesn't mean that I will. That's the confidence that I have now that I didn't have with Littles. I can admit to myself that I would love to stay at home, but I can still choose to go back to work -- because I love working, too. And I know my kids will be just fine either way.

This time around, I've barely looked at my work email while on maternity leave. I have a different job right now. It's OK that I'm good at it. It's OK that I love it. It's also OK that it's temporary.