Tonight is my first night away from Littles. She's sleeping at home right now, and I'm in Seattle on a business trip.
Luckily, it's a short trip. I'll be home tomorrow night, although not until after Littles is asleep.
Still, the logistics of getting away even just for 24 hours can be overwhelming. I had to find time to pack -- no more waiting till the last minute, lest Littles slip into "Mommy Hold Me" mode at that exact moment. I agonized over how much milk to take out of the freezer. Since I've never been away from Littles for a full day, I have to guess at how much milk she drinks over the course of a day. I booked a hotel room at a Residence Inn, since I know it will have a full kitchen that will let me chill my freezer packs overnight, ensuring I can keep my pumped milk cold tomorrow.
Leaving home was rough. Littles crawled after me with a confused expression as I walked out the front door, and I briefly flirted with the idea of tucking her in my suitcase and taking her with me. (Then I remembered that my pump takes up half my suitcase.)
I've done this San Jose to Seattle hop many, many times, including for my very last business trip pre-Littles. I used to have it down pat. Not anymore. For starters, they've completely reconfigured Terminal C at SJC airport in the year or so since I was last there. I almost panicked when I couldn't find my favorite dinner spot -- turns out it's now behind security, instead of before it.
I was very pleased to see that they've finally gotten a Preferred board at the Avis in Seattle, so I can go directly to my car without having to check in with an Avis agent (a process that has cost me many an hour waiting in line, usually at 1 AM when my flight has been delayed and I just want to get to my hotel). And I had a giggle when I saw that this Avis location, which used to always upgrade me to Hummer H3's, decided to give me a Prius this time :)
Some things never change, like the incompetence of TSA. I completely forgot to put my toiletries in a Zip-loc bag and was sure I'd get busted, particularly since my breast pump (which apparently looks like a bomb on the x-ray machine, based on previous TSA experiences) and all my bottles for milk collection (which they could have no way of knowing were empty) were in the same bag. But they waved it through without a secondary inspection.
I grabbed my dinner (forgetting to pay with my corporate Amex card, which is practically dusty from inactivity) and was heading over towards my gate when I saw a family with a baby right around Littles' age, and I teared up instantly. It just doesn't feel right, being without her. The family ended up sitting a couple of rows in front of me on the flight, and the baby's coos and babbles bothered me. Not in an annoyed sort of way, like loud babies on planes used to bother me as a business traveler, but in a my-heart-is-breaking sort of way.
The business of my trip presents all sorts of challenges, and I should really be focusing on those. Instead, I'm focusing on the happy Littles wallpaper on my computer.
I can't wait to get home tomorrow night. I'm going straight to Littles' room, just to see her sleeping and hear her breathing and smell the lavender from her shampoo.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Supply dip
I've had more of these than I care to remember over the past 5+ months. Sometimes for obvious reasons, like when I got the stomach flu and lost 5 pounds during three days of barely eating. Sometimes for not-so-obvious reasons -- too much stress? not enough sleep? not enough pumping? some combination? Who knows.
This week, I've been dealing with a supply dip for not-so-obvious reasons. I usually pump about 12 oz over the course of the workday (plus another couple of ounces at night after Littles goes to bed) but this week, I had two days where I was in the single digits for ounces pumped during the workday. Not good.
My prescription for bringing my supply back? Lots of nursing (thank goodness for the weekend) and pumping. Trying to rest more and stress less (ha!). Oh, and lots and lots of food. Seriously, I've been a bottomless pit these past few days, which I interpret (rightly or wrongly) as my body's way of telling me that it needs more sustenance. And who am I to argue with my body? :)
Even though I've been through this before and always recovered, I always get scared that this will be the time that my milk won't come back. I try to put those thoughts out of my head, since thinking about that possibility could turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy. But it's hard.
The good news is that with a little over two months to go till Littles' first birthday and almost 200 oz of frozen milk in my freezer (Littles usually eats around 15 oz a day), I'm getting close to the point where even if a supply dip becomes permanent, I should be able to coast, pumping what I can and using my freezer stash for the rest.
But I don't think I'm at that point quite yet. So, pass the Cold Stone Creamery! :)
This week, I've been dealing with a supply dip for not-so-obvious reasons. I usually pump about 12 oz over the course of the workday (plus another couple of ounces at night after Littles goes to bed) but this week, I had two days where I was in the single digits for ounces pumped during the workday. Not good.
My prescription for bringing my supply back? Lots of nursing (thank goodness for the weekend) and pumping. Trying to rest more and stress less (ha!). Oh, and lots and lots of food. Seriously, I've been a bottomless pit these past few days, which I interpret (rightly or wrongly) as my body's way of telling me that it needs more sustenance. And who am I to argue with my body? :)
Even though I've been through this before and always recovered, I always get scared that this will be the time that my milk won't come back. I try to put those thoughts out of my head, since thinking about that possibility could turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy. But it's hard.
The good news is that with a little over two months to go till Littles' first birthday and almost 200 oz of frozen milk in my freezer (Littles usually eats around 15 oz a day), I'm getting close to the point where even if a supply dip becomes permanent, I should be able to coast, pumping what I can and using my freezer stash for the rest.
But I don't think I'm at that point quite yet. So, pass the Cold Stone Creamery! :)
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Where I pumped today. Third in a series.
I've been onsite for most of this week at my "main" customer.
Finding the time and a place to pump during onsite customer visits is always a challenge -- I often end up not pumping at all during the workday, or pumping in the bathroom. My situation at this particular customer is better than anywhere else, because I come here so often that 1) I have located their pump room and 2) they've given me an official contractor's badge with full office access (very important, because the pump room is on a different, secured floor from where I usually work, and so it would be a huge pain if I had to ask someone to let me in each time).
The room is pretty cozy:
The sink is a nice touch -- I can rinse out my pump parts when I'm done, without having to walk them over to a bathroom. I like the comfy chair, although I do miss the table from my San Francisco office. That's a fridge under the counter, but I don't use it. The sign on the door says "This refrigerator is not for food," and I figure breastmilk is food for Littles, right? So that means it doesn't belong in there. Silly, I know!
Anyway, this sure beats pumping in a bathroom.
Finding the time and a place to pump during onsite customer visits is always a challenge -- I often end up not pumping at all during the workday, or pumping in the bathroom. My situation at this particular customer is better than anywhere else, because I come here so often that 1) I have located their pump room and 2) they've given me an official contractor's badge with full office access (very important, because the pump room is on a different, secured floor from where I usually work, and so it would be a huge pain if I had to ask someone to let me in each time).
The room is pretty cozy:
The sink is a nice touch -- I can rinse out my pump parts when I'm done, without having to walk them over to a bathroom. I like the comfy chair, although I do miss the table from my San Francisco office. That's a fridge under the counter, but I don't use it. The sign on the door says "This refrigerator is not for food," and I figure breastmilk is food for Littles, right? So that means it doesn't belong in there. Silly, I know!
Anyway, this sure beats pumping in a bathroom.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Where I pumped today (yesterday). Second in a series.
Yesterday, I was at my company's office in downtown San Francisco.
The pump room there is much more spartan than the one at the Silicon Valley office, but perfectly functional. There's a small table, which is great for working on my laptop while I pump, and a phone with a good speaker for when I need to take conference calls. (Yes, while pumping! Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.)
On the other side of the room, there is a mini fridge. Very handy. I usually stick my pump parts in the fridge rather than wash them out after every session (I do a thorough cleaning at night), so it's nice having a dedicated fridge for this stuff rather than putting my parts next to my co-worker's lunch.
That's all! Like I said, spartan but functional.
The pump room there is much more spartan than the one at the Silicon Valley office, but perfectly functional. There's a small table, which is great for working on my laptop while I pump, and a phone with a good speaker for when I need to take conference calls. (Yes, while pumping! Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.)
On the other side of the room, there is a mini fridge. Very handy. I usually stick my pump parts in the fridge rather than wash them out after every session (I do a thorough cleaning at night), so it's nice having a dedicated fridge for this stuff rather than putting my parts next to my co-worker's lunch.
That's all! Like I said, spartan but functional.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Poopy day
Sigh.
Littles started off this morning with a massive poop, and it just went downhill from there.
I have a team meeting in San Francisco today, so I nursed Littles and fixed her breakfast and then handed her off to Hubby. Hubby was already mad at me because I forgot to tell him about the team meeting (and therefore my need for him to be at home till 8:30, when he could leave Littles with Maria) until yesterday.
Littles is in a serious separation anxiety phase, so I knew I had to make sure she was distracted if I needed to leave her. Hubby took her and gave her some mango for breakfast, which she happily chowed down on while I snuck upstairs to finish getting ready. Score!
I came back downstairs, almost ready to walk out the door, and remembered I left my cell phone in the office upstairs. With no time to distract Littles, I ran upstairs and hoped for the best. She started wailing the moment I left her sight. Sigh.
It took me maybe 15 seconds to grab my cell phone and run back downstairs, but Littles was already pissed and took a huge handful of mango and threw it on the floor. Breakfast was clearly done, and I just tried to get the rest of my stuff together as quickly as possible so I could get out the door before she got totally worked up.
I had just grabbed my bags when the phone rang. Caller ID showed it was Maria. Uh-oh. Just what I need, for her to be sick today.
Hubby talked to her -- she can't get to our house until 9 AM today. She's normally punctual and so we really can't fault her for being a little late one day... but why today, of all days? I asked Hubby if it was OK for him to stay later, and he just glared at me and told me to get going. I did, listening to Littles fuss until I walked out the front door.
I think hit every single red light between our home and the BART station. Parking at Dublin/Pleasanton BART is impossible on weekdays. Luckily, I did find a spot, but it was practically in a different zip code. I had six minutes to make it to the station to make my train. I threw on my backpack, slung my pump bag over my head, and ran.
I made it. Whew. Maybe this day is getting better.
Or maybe not. I was going to grab breakfast on my way up to the office, but I just realized I left my wallet at home.
Littles started off this morning with a massive poop, and it just went downhill from there.
I have a team meeting in San Francisco today, so I nursed Littles and fixed her breakfast and then handed her off to Hubby. Hubby was already mad at me because I forgot to tell him about the team meeting (and therefore my need for him to be at home till 8:30, when he could leave Littles with Maria) until yesterday.
Littles is in a serious separation anxiety phase, so I knew I had to make sure she was distracted if I needed to leave her. Hubby took her and gave her some mango for breakfast, which she happily chowed down on while I snuck upstairs to finish getting ready. Score!
I came back downstairs, almost ready to walk out the door, and remembered I left my cell phone in the office upstairs. With no time to distract Littles, I ran upstairs and hoped for the best. She started wailing the moment I left her sight. Sigh.
It took me maybe 15 seconds to grab my cell phone and run back downstairs, but Littles was already pissed and took a huge handful of mango and threw it on the floor. Breakfast was clearly done, and I just tried to get the rest of my stuff together as quickly as possible so I could get out the door before she got totally worked up.
I had just grabbed my bags when the phone rang. Caller ID showed it was Maria. Uh-oh. Just what I need, for her to be sick today.
Hubby talked to her -- she can't get to our house until 9 AM today. She's normally punctual and so we really can't fault her for being a little late one day... but why today, of all days? I asked Hubby if it was OK for him to stay later, and he just glared at me and told me to get going. I did, listening to Littles fuss until I walked out the front door.
I think hit every single red light between our home and the BART station. Parking at Dublin/Pleasanton BART is impossible on weekdays. Luckily, I did find a spot, but it was practically in a different zip code. I had six minutes to make it to the station to make my train. I threw on my backpack, slung my pump bag over my head, and ran.
I made it. Whew. Maybe this day is getting better.
Or maybe not. I was going to grab breakfast on my way up to the office, but I just realized I left my wallet at home.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Where I pumped today. First in a series.
I thought it might be fun to do a little tour of the lovely places where I pump :)
I was at my company's office in Silicon Valley today. I rarely visit this office these days, so I had to seek out the pump room for the first time. I was a little surprised to discover there is just one pump room for the 1000-odd employees at this office. But I guess it's not used very often, as the receptionist who is in charge of the key to the room wasn't 100% sure where the key was, or where the room was.
Too bad it's not more used, as it's a wonderful spot!
Here's a picture looking into the room from the door:
Yes, that big black chair is a very comfortable recliner :)
Looking back towards the door, from the vicinity of the recliner:
A full-sized refrigerator with freezer is so handy -- rather than keeping the milk in my little cooler bag with an ice pack, I can stick the milk in the fridge and the ice pack in the freezer. That way, I know it'll all stay cold on the way home.
Two thumbs up to this spot!
I was at my company's office in Silicon Valley today. I rarely visit this office these days, so I had to seek out the pump room for the first time. I was a little surprised to discover there is just one pump room for the 1000-odd employees at this office. But I guess it's not used very often, as the receptionist who is in charge of the key to the room wasn't 100% sure where the key was, or where the room was.
Too bad it's not more used, as it's a wonderful spot!
Here's a picture looking into the room from the door:
Yes, that big black chair is a very comfortable recliner :)
Looking back towards the door, from the vicinity of the recliner:
A full-sized refrigerator with freezer is so handy -- rather than keeping the milk in my little cooler bag with an ice pack, I can stick the milk in the fridge and the ice pack in the freezer. That way, I know it'll all stay cold on the way home.
Two thumbs up to this spot!
Friday, March 14, 2008
Another benefit of our nanny share
HAND-ME-DOWNS! Dani's mom just gave us another huge bag of clothes. I think this brings the total to at least 6 or 7 bags since we started the nanny share. I don't think we'll need to buy any more clothes for Littles until she's 2 years old.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Ready, set, don't go
Most days, when I leave Littles in the morning, she's playing happily with Dad or Maria or Gali or Dani and hardly seems to notice when I slip out the door.
Every now and then, though, she just looks at me with a sad look in her big blue eyes. She never cries, but boy, it's hard to walk away from that look.
But then, I do have a huge Littles smile to look forward to at the end of the day :)
Every now and then, though, she just looks at me with a sad look in her big blue eyes. She never cries, but boy, it's hard to walk away from that look.
But then, I do have a huge Littles smile to look forward to at the end of the day :)
Monday, March 10, 2008
100 days to go
100 days till Littles' first birthday. When she can start on cow's milk. And I can put away the pump for good.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Pumping heaven
I was onsite this week with my "main" customer. About 75% of my time is dedicated to this customer, while all the rest of my customers take up the remaining 25%. Up till this week, I'd been working with these guys mostly remotely, so pumping wasn't an issue.
On Monday, I was only onsite for half the day, so I was able to pump while driving to the site and then again while driving home.
On Tuesday, I found a "touchdown" room, which worked OK as a pumping room. Key feature: The door locked from the inside. It did have a window to the hallway outside, but the window was frosted about 6 or 7 feet up, so people would've had to really try to look in and see me. I put my nursing cover on and felt fairly safe.
On Wednesday, I found pumping heaven.
I was wandering around on a floor that I hadn't been on before, trying to find a meeting, when I came across the room directly above the "touchdown" room I'd used the day before. This room was labeled "Health Room" and what caught my eye was that the window was frosted all the way from floor to ceiling. I peeked inside and noticed that in addition to the lock-from-the-inside door, the room had a refrigerator, a sink, and a comfortable chair. Clearly intended to be a pumping room.
This made my week. Sad but true.
On Monday, I was only onsite for half the day, so I was able to pump while driving to the site and then again while driving home.
On Tuesday, I found a "touchdown" room, which worked OK as a pumping room. Key feature: The door locked from the inside. It did have a window to the hallway outside, but the window was frosted about 6 or 7 feet up, so people would've had to really try to look in and see me. I put my nursing cover on and felt fairly safe.
On Wednesday, I found pumping heaven.
I was wandering around on a floor that I hadn't been on before, trying to find a meeting, when I came across the room directly above the "touchdown" room I'd used the day before. This room was labeled "Health Room" and what caught my eye was that the window was frosted all the way from floor to ceiling. I peeked inside and noticed that in addition to the lock-from-the-inside door, the room had a refrigerator, a sink, and a comfortable chair. Clearly intended to be a pumping room.
This made my week. Sad but true.
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