Hanging up the horns, round 2

Back in June, with my average daytime pumping output down to maybe an ounce a day, I decided drop my one pumping session. The pumping session was solely to keep my supply up and put milk in the freezer for donation, since Noob was drinking whole milk exclusively during the day, so it was no problem to drop that session. I dropped off my last milk bank donation shortly afterwards.

At the time, I was also pumping while on business trips. I'm currently on my third business trip in two months. On the first one, in mid-June, I brought my pump, but only pumped 3 ounces over two days. On the second one, two weeks ago, I brought my pump just in case, but ended up pumping only once, for a measly half an ounce. Back home, Noob did fine with no breastmilk.

So, last Tuesday, after dropping Littles off at preschool, I drove to the parking lot of a local 7-Eleven. There, I met up with the mom of a nine-month-old who is unable to nurse, who I had found through Eats on Feets. I handed over the remainder of my freezer stash, mostly milk pumped on business trips and therefore not frozen within the 24-hour window required by the milk bank. I really enjoyed meeting the mom whose baby would benefit from my milk. Donating to the milk bank has been great, but very anonymous.

Anyway. That donation meant I was officially hanging up the horns. I did not bring my pump on my trip this week.

When I reached this point with Littles, I wrote about a recent discussion over whether women should feel proud for breastfeeding their child, since after all, women have been breastfeeding for millenia. I said that I did feel proud, because women have not been pumping for millenia, and pumping was hard work!

I feel differently this time. Sure, I'm pleased that Noob is among only 10% of babies who are still breastfed at 1 year of age. But as I've explained in previous posts, I really didn't have to do a whole lot of pumping for him. He was home with family till just before his first birthday, and I work from home, so I mostly nursed him directly. And yes, women have been doing that for millenia. Not really an accomplishment, like something I should be really proud of doing.

I'm also pleased that I was able to donate over 400 oz of breastmilk (340 oz to the milk bank and a little over 90 oz direct to the mom I met last week). But again, I don't really feel like that's a special accomplishment. Women have been wet-nursing for millenia, too, and aside from my European adventures, it was really pretty easy to fit the extra pumping sessions into my day.

I am proud, and very very lucky, to work in a job and for a company that made breastfeeding so easy. Every woman should have the opportunity to breastfeed as long as she wants, even if she returns to work. It makes me sad that so many women find themselves in work situations that are not conducive or even openly hostile to pumping. It's just not right.

I'm also thankful that I still have the opportunity to nurse Noob. He's an early riser, usually waking up between 6-6:30 AM, and I am… well, not an early riser :) So most mornings, I get him out of his crib, bring him in bed with me, latch him on as we're both lying down, and catch a few extra minutes of sleep while he nurses. I love it, and I'm in no rush to end it.

But I do love the fact that this morning, I was able to go for a 30-minute jog on a beautiful trail next to a river, rather than spending 30 minutes pumping. It's been a great run, but I'm glad to be done.

Breastmilk donation

Pumping for Littles was such a stressful experience that I eagerly anticipated the day when I would able to stop. If you had told me back then that with my next child, I would not only continue pumping past his first birthday but would actually do it for other babies, I would have laughed in your face.

But that's exactly what I'm doing right now.

It all started about three months ago, on Facebook, of all places. My friend E, who has a son just a few months younger than Noob, posted that she had just become a breastmilk donor with the Mothers' Milk Bank of North Texas. I had heard of breastmilk donation before, but given that I have a very average milk supply (I've always made just enough to feed my nursling, not much extra), I never thought it was something I could actually do.

But when I looked into it in more detail, I found out I was wrong. The milk bank asks for a commitment to donate 100 ounces of breastmilk, which does not have to be all at once. I've always maintained a freezer stash of around 100 ounces for Noob to use when I travel on business. I figured that as he started cutting back on nursing past his first birthday, I could slowly cut back on my freezer stash (since I wouldn't need as much to cover him during my business travels) and donate the excess to the milk bank.

So I registered with the milk bank. It's a pretty straightforward process. I had to fill out some paperwork (asking about everything from my average caffeine consumption to the extent of my European travels) and get a blood test done. Everything was paid for by the milk bank. They even gave me collection bottles to use for donation.

It has turned out to be mutually beneficial. Obviously, the milk bank -- and more importantly, the preemies and other fragile babies that it serves -- benefits from getting my milk.

But it has worked out well for me, too. A few weeks after I signed up with the milk bank, Noob went on a nursing strike. For a full week, he only nursed first thing in the morning, and completely refused to nurse the rest of the day. I was worried that this was a sign that he was close to weaning fully, but I did want to keep my milk supply up, just in case he did decide to return to the breast. Thankfully, breastmilk donation gave me a great reason to keep on pumping through the nursing strike. I was able to bank up to 10 ounces of breastmilk each day during the strike. And when Noob did start nursing again, my milk supply was still there for him.

These days, my nursing/pumping schedule looks something like this:

At home - weekday	At home - weekend	While traveling
Morning - Noob nurses During the day - Noob gets a sippy cup of milk. We're working to transition him to whole milk; right now, he gets sippies that are about 1.5 oz breastmilk/4.5 oz whole milk. I pump to get milk for the next day. Any extra goes to the milk bank. Evening - Noob sometimes nurses when he gets home from his sitter's. Night - I pump again. All of this milk goes to the milk bank.	Morning - Noob nurses Late morning (after first nap) - Noob nurses Afternoon (after second nap) - Noob nurses Night - I pump for the milk bank.	I'm traveling this week and following this schedule: Morning - Noob gets a 6 oz bottle of thawed breastmilk. I pump. During the day - Noob gets a sippy of breastmilk/whole milk. I pump. Night - I pump. Since I'm cutting back on my freezer stash, I plan to donate all the milk I pumped this week. On future trips, I may need to use the pumped milk to replenish my freezer stash for the next trip, but whatever I don't need will get donated.

At this late point in Noob's nursing career, I'm not sure how much longer my supply will hold up, but as long as it's still here, I'm taking full advantage of it.

I just dropped off about 150 ounces at the milk bank last weekend. And I haven't even really started cutting back on my freezer stash yet, so I think I'll be able to donate at least 100 ounces more before it's all said and done.

Here's my donated milk all packed up and ready to go. Yes, those are wine bags -- E's brilliant idea for transporting the milk :)

 

Not bad for someone with a very average milk supply :)

Interested in donating?
I know most working moms do maintain a freezer stash, so I really encourage everyone to look into donating it when you're done pumping, even if you don't pump specifically to donate, like I'm doing. There may be a milk bank in your area, but if not, see if you can work with a more distant milk bank. I know the Mothers' Milk Bank of North Texas provides shipping containers and reimburses dry ice purchases for moms who need to ship their milk.

There is also Eats on Feets, which helps moms who have breastmilk find nearby moms who need breastmilk. Direct "milk sharing" is free from the minimum donation requirements and other hoops that milk bank donors must jump through. I'm considering donating some of my milk in this way, as the milk bank's pumping requirements are more stringent (because the milk goes to very sick babies) and not all of my pumped milk meets those requirements. Mostly, it's hard for me to freeze milk within 24 hours when I'm traveling, as the milk bank requires. The milk is still perfectly safe for healthy infants (after all, Noob drinks it :), so if I can find a baby who could use it, I might go that route.

Every pumping mom knows that breastmilk is liquid gold. Better for it to go to a baby than down the drain!

Uncharted territory

Noob turned 1 last week! Normally, a baby's first birthday marks the point where s/he can transition to cow's milk instead of breastmilk or formula. With Littles, I was so sick of pumping that I stopped when she was 11 months old, and used up my freezer stash while we transitioned her onto milk.

But since Noob was at home for the first 11 months of his life, I haven't really had to pump much at all -- he mostly nursed directly. Also, my current job is much more conducive to pumping than the job I had when Littles was nursing.

So I'm not sick of pumping, and so no reason to stop doing it. Noob also recently had an allergic reaction after accidentally being given peanut butter, so now that we know he has one food allergy, we're a little gun-shy about introducing other high-allergen foods, such as cow's milk.

As a result, Noob is still drinking breastmilk exclusively -- no other kind of milk. He nurses in the morning. His sitter gives him a bottle during the day, and I pump once. Then he nurses when we get home in the evening. It's very manageable!

This is uncharted territory for me, so I'm not sure how things will change over time. Should we transition him towards getting a cup of breastmilk during the day, rather than a bottle? When should we think about introducing cow's milk, and how will that fit in with his breastmilk consumption? Will he drop nursing sessions on his own, or will I eventually need to nudge him towards weaning like I did with Littles?

I'm curious to see what the next few months hold for us!

Full weaning!

I mentioned a few weeks ago that we were headed towards full weaning. It looks like we did it!

I got home from Seattle on a Friday morning and somewhat expected Littles to yell out "Num-nums!" the moment she saw me. But she didn't. In fact, she went five straight mornings without asking to nurse.

The following Wednesday, I had to do a very rare onsite customer visit. The morning was hectic, trying to get myself ready and Littles ready and get out the door. So of course, Littles decided that morning that she wanted to nurse for the first time in a week and a half.

OK, fine. We sat down and she latched on. Then she immediately pulled off with a confused look on her face. Which is strange, because even though I'm sure my supply was way down from not having nursed or pumped in so long, I doubt it was all that great before that, so it shouldn't have come as a huge shock to her that it took some effort to get something out. But she didn't even try. That's how quickly she pulled off.

"Other side?" I asked. She sat up and said, "Other side." So I switched sides and the same thing happened. "No more num-nums?" I asked. "No more," she said quietly. "Breakfast? Yogurt?" I asked. "Yogurt!" she said with a smile, and climbed out of my lap to go play.

On Thursday, I had to go back to the customer, so the morning was similarly hectic and of course, Littles asked to nurse again. The same thing happened. She barely latched and then pulled off and said, "No more."

That was almost two weeks ago and she hasn't asked to nurse since. I think we may be done for good, in which case, her last nursing session was on May 7, at just shy of 23 months of age.

When I think about those last two sessions, it makes me a little sad. The way she said "No more" in a quiet, sad voice. But I remind myself that this is a toddler who has no problem expressing her opinion if you don't give her something she wants :) I think about the morning when she was using one of my tank tops as a purse and getting very upset when the stuff she put in fell straight through the bottom. She apparently expected me to magically turn the tank top into a bag. "Bag. Bag! BAAAAAG!" she screamed, over and over.

So if that same toddler accepted my lack of milk with a quiet "no more," I don't think she was too upset about it. I think she was ready to be done, too.

As for me? I feel really good about all of it. The way we weaned was so easy and so natural. It felt like the right "next step" in our nursing relationship, just like starting solids and weaning off the pump when we did. I haven't had engorgement or any mood swings (well, I don't think I have, you should probably confirm with Hubby :) like I've heard some women complain about after weaning. I'm happy for all the time we shared nursing, but I'm also very happy to be done.

Traveling with(out) a nursing toddler

Although it's been over a month since I weaned from the pump, I do still nurse Littles twice a day -- once in the morning when she first wakes up, and once in the evening, a little before dinner. I enjoy nursing, Littles is still interested (although I often feel that she enjoys the cuddles and the 1:1 time with Mom more than the milk, not that there's anything wrong with that!), and so I have no plans to drop either of these sessions anytime soon.

Of course, this posed a dilemma during my travels this past week. Since nursing is a supply-and-demand system, I knew I couldn't skip nursing all week and expect to pick up where I left off when I got home.

This meant that if I wanted to continue nursing, I would have to (gasp!) start pumping again.

It actually was not too bad. There were two main reasons why I hated full-time pumping:

1. I hated the awkwardness of either telling co-workers about pumping or finding excuses to take pump breaks during the workday.
   
2. I hated the day-to-day "am I pumping enough?" stress.

Pumping for a nursing toddler elimates both of these problems. I only needed to pump before and after work, so there was no awkwardness during the workday. And I really didn't care how much I pumped; honestly, I'm not even sure we'll end up using the milk I pumped, as Littles should be able to do whole milk exclusively by the time of my next trip at the end of July.

I refused to bring my Medela Pump in Style out of retirement, so I took along my Medela Harmony manual pump instead. I was pleasantly surprised by how much milk I was able to get. I've been feeling fairly "deflated" and I've wondered whether I really have any milk left. To my surprise, I averaged about 4-5 oz per session, which is a pretty decent amount.

Transporting the milk home was a breeze, since I only had the two pump sessions. Back in my full-time pumping days, I would have pumped probably around 100 oz on a trip of this length. Getting all that milk home would be a huge pain! This time, I only pumped about 35 oz, so I didn't have any difficulty fitting it into two cooler bags and carrying it on.

I have no goals around nursing or pumping right now, so I don't know whether or not I'll go through all of this again during my next trip. But if I do decide to do it, it's nice to know it's not too much of a hassle.

Why I breastfeed

In my previous entries, I've talked about the challenges of finding time to pump at work and why I can't just skip a day of pumping when it's particularly inconvenient. So your next question might be, "If it's so hard to find the time to pump, and you can't just skip a day, why continue doing it at all? Is formula really that bad?"

Well, I ask myself that same question just about every day. Actually, about five times a day, when I slip away and hook myself up to my pump.

Here are some of the reasons why:

1. Breastmilk is the very best food for Littles. This really cannot be disputed. Not that formula is bad, but it's not as good as breastmilk. There are plenty of sites explaining all the benefits of breastmilk (here is one), so I won't repeat them here.
   
   My little girl deserves the very best. Enough said.
   
   If I couldn't breastfeed for some reason, obviously giving formula would be the very best thing to do, far better than starving Littles! But I can breastfeed, even while working -- it's just a question of whether or not I'm willing to commit a few hours a day to pumping. Giving her something less than the best, just because I couldn't commit to a few hours a day for a few months, would make me feel guilty. (Don't get me started on guilt. Working mother's guilt is a whole 'nother blog entry.)
   
2. It's hard. If someone tells me that something is hard, that just gives me more motivation to go out and do it. When I hear that only 25% of working moms are still breastfeeding when their babies are 6 months old, and only 11% are still breastfeeding at one year, that makes me want to be in that 11%.
   
   I also hope that by putting myself out there and working/pumping and talking about it, I make it easier on the next mom who comes along and wants to do it. I really hope that by the time Littles is a mom, those numbers on working moms who breastfeed are a lot higher, and I like to think I'm doing my part to make that happen.
   
3. I'm cheap. Don't let anyone tell you that breastfeeding is free. My pump cost over $200. I've spent a couple hundred dollars on nursing bras/tanks, nursing cover-ups, replacement pump parts, etc. etc. But all of those costs are fixed, whether I keep pumping or switch to formula today. I can't justify spending money on formula when I have a perfectly acceptable alternative that doesn't require spending more money.
   
4. I'm lazy. Breastfeeding means no bottles to heat up, no dishes to wash!
   
5. Formula is too hard to figure out. Over Christmas, when I thought we might need to switch to formula soon, I wandered through the baby aisle at the grocery store. Littles' pediatrician had recommended Good Start formula, but I was amazed to discover that there were three or four different kinds of Good Start formula alone! Not to mention Similac and Enfamil, plus all the specialty formulas for kids with allergies... way too confusing. Breastmilk is easy -- there's only one kind!
   
6. I love breastfeeding. This one is hard to explain if you've never done it (and possibly even if you have). I love snuggling with Littles at the end of the day and feeding her and relaxing and reconnecting. I love knowing that breastmilk is something I can give her that no one else can, a special gift. I know that all too soon, the day will come where she'll be a big girl who doesn't need or want that gift anymore. I don't want to rush that day.

So that's why I stick with it, even when the going gets tough.