Missing out

One of the frequently-fired missiles in the mommy wars goes something like this: "As a stay-at-home mom, I'm able to attend all of the class parties at my kid's school. I see all the kids who don't have a parent there because both parents work. I see how sad those kids are."

I always roll my eyes at that. "Well, I have a flexible work schedule. I'll be at every party. No problem. It's called work-life balance, duh."

At the orientation meeting for Littles' preschool, we got the calendar of all the important dates for the year, and I dutifully sat down and put every single party for the entire school year into my calendar. I wasn't going to miss a single one!

Fast forward about two months. I received a calendar placeholder for my training in Seattle this week, went to accept it -- and realized that the last day of training conflicted with Littles' very first class party.

An enormous wave of mommy guilt washed over me. I immediately pulled up an instant messenger window to tell Hubby to please, please, please make time to go to Littles' school on November 19th for a special Thanksgiving lunch.

He agreed. Mommy guilt assuaged.

That is, until my normal pre-bedtime phone call with Hubby and Littles tonight. Turns out it wasn't just lunch; the kids put on a little play for the parents. Littles' class sang songs, and apparently Littles (who loves to sing at home) just stood there and didn't sing anything!

I giggled at that with Hubby, and then it hit me: I missed my daughter's first school play :(

I pressed Hubby for more details, but I could hear Littles wailing for bedtime in the background. He said, "I'll tell you all about it when you get home."

I can't wait.

Why I'm glad I'm traveling today, Thursday edition

A guy in my training class had free speaker phones to give away! They hook up to your laptop -- definitely handy for all my conference calls at home. Woo-hoo for free gadgets!

Why I'm glad I'm traveling today, Wednesday edition

I talked to Hubby and Littles a couple of times tonight. They had a daddy-daughter dinner at a local restaurant, and it sounded like they both enjoyed it.

It reminded me of one of the definite upsides of all my traveling over the past few weeks: Littles has grown noticeably closer to Hubby. Not that they weren't close before, but there are just some subtle differences, like how Littles no longer asks for me to do both bathtime and story time at night. (Hubby and I always split those responsibilities when we're both home, even when Littles protests.)

Don't get me wrong, Littles and I are still very close. It's not like she's rejecting me for being gone. It's just that in my absence, her relationship with her daddy has had space to grow. And that's a beautiful thing for me to see.

Why I'm glad I'm traveling today, Tuesday edition

Finding the handful of sleeping positions that are actually comfortable at 29 weeks pregnant is a lot easier when you have a king-size bed with lots of pillows, all to yourself!

Why I'm glad I'm traveling today, Monday edition

My flight to Seattle was full of soldiers coming home on leave. Not sure from where, but I'm sure they've been away for a lot longer than I will be this week.

When we landed in Seattle, a lot of the soldiers had family/friends waiting right at the gate. (I guess TSA relaxes the restrictions on non-travelers behind security for soldiers coming home. Good for them.) Just in front of me, a dad nearly got bowled over by his three kids, running over to embrace him in a big group hug. Their mom stood off to the side with a smile on her face, taking it all in.

I took it in, too. It made me tear up. It was beautiful, and perfect.

I'm glad I got to witness that, as it warmed my heart. And it made me thankful that my travels are relatively short, infrequent -- and safe.

I hope that dad comes home for good soon.

Influences

I've heard the various insults often hurled at working moms, and for the most part, I can let them roll off my back. I'm very happy with my life, Littles and Hubby appear to be happy with theirs, and so I have a great deal of confidence that I'm making the right choices for my family.

But there is one that never fails to get a rise out of me, which is some variation of: "How can you put your child in daycare, and let someone else raise her?"

In a past post, I explained why I am raising Littles, focusing on the influence that I have on her life, even though she does spend a good chunk of each day away from me. Perhaps the biggest influence that I (and Hubby) have is that we choose where and with whom she spends that time.

I mean, I happen to believe that Hubby and I are pretty darn good parents, but I do not believe that we are the only influences that Littles needs in her life. Not for a minute! There is so much she can learn from others.

Case in point. Littles was playing around in my bedroom last Sunday as I put away laundry. I was in the closet hanging some things up when I heard her say, "Plie, passe..." I looked out to see her holding onto the bed for support, leg raised in a perfect passe. That would be the influence of the weekly dance classes we enrolled her in through her preschool.

Another example. As I posted yesterday, we went to the birthday party of K, one of Littles' preschool classmates. When we first arrived, we ran into K's older brother M. Both of us recognized M from school, although we hadn't connected him to K. Anyway, he was climbing all over the railing on his porch while simultaneously chatting his head off about anything and everything, as only a four-year-old can do. And something clicked in my head: If Littles has been hanging out with this kid all afternoon for the last few months, no wonder her gross motor skills and her verbal skills have both grown immensely!

Also, one of the preschool teachers was at the party helping out, and it was neat to see her in action for an extended period of time. It was clear that Littles is totally comfortable with her. And you could tell just by watching her how much she cared for the kids. Not that I ever doubted it, but I left thinking, "I am very glad this person is in Littles' life."

This is not to say that Littles would be completely deprived of all these wonderful outside influences if I (or Hubby) didn't work. Preschool is certainly not the only way to expose Littles to others! Hubby and I have plenty of friends of all ages who we see regularly and who impact Littles' life.

But, well... Hubby and I do work. And although I still feel strongly that we are raising her and we are the primary influences in her life, I'm more than happy to get a little help from her amazing preschool.

Littles in a different light

Probably my favorite working-mom blog is My Mom Genes. I made the mistake of reading it on a break from my meetings in Seattle last week, and came across a post called Reassurance, where one of the writers talks about watching a slideshow put together by her three-year-old daughter's daycare teachers:

"...we were getting a glimpse into who our children are when we’re not with them. My husband and I saw [our daughter] in a different light. This is who she is when she’s out in the world. Here, she’s not holding our hands, and she’s not being guided by our direction. She’s smiling, sharing, climbing, running, creating... she shines."

It was a mistake to read this at that moment because it made me tear up while surrounded by all my co-workers. Thinking about my baby girl, too, being out in the world. Not holding my hand, not being guided by my direction. And from the occasional glimpse I get, she shines as well.

Hubby and I got more than just a glimpse tonight. Littles got her very first invite to a birthday party for a preschool classmate. The birthday girl was K, who is one of Littles' best friends at school. A lot of other kids from school were there, along with one of the teachers.

As I watched Littles over the course of the evening, it dawned on me: This is who she is when she's out in the world.

I often joke that she was super-active in utero and and hasn't slowed down since, but tonight, I saw her sit quietly next to her teacher with her legs crossed and watch a magic show. I thought back to when Hubby and I first visited her preschool, and how we were amazed to see all the kids sitting quietly during circle time. "Littles will be the one running laps around the room while the other kids sit," we smirked. But out in the world, she does sit.

She climbed out of my lap at dinner and went to chat for a few minutes with a girl named A. Hubby and I compared notes as to what we knew about A -- really, very little, except that she's not in Littles' class but does attend extended care with Littles (after the school day ends at 2 PM). Even though Hubby and I barely know A, she and Littles clearly know each other well. Out in the world, Littles is making friends, all on her own.

Littles is normally shy in large group situations like this one, particularly around adults. Not tonight. The kids all made paper "corsages" and I watched Littles go up to multiple strangers to say, "Look at this! Look at my flower!" Out in the world, without my legs to hide behind, she's outgoing and friendly.

Another excerpt from the My Mom Genes post:

"I’m happy to report that my daughter is a little girl whom I -- and others -- love to spend time with, and will be a woman I can’t wait to know."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Why I'm glad I'm traveling today, Thursday edition

Donuts at the hotel's breakfast buffet. A pregnant woman's dream come true.

Why I'm glad I'm traveling today, Wednesday edition

Trees in Texas simply don't change colors like they do further north. Having spent the first 20+ years of my life living in the north, I miss "real" fall. It's trips like this where I get my fall foliage fix.

This morning, I watched the sun rise all pink and orange over the mountains and the brilliant red and yellow trees. Gorgeous.

Why I'm glad I'm traveling today, Tuesday edition

The screaming toddler at breakfast this morning was not mine :)

Why I'm glad I'm traveling today, Monday edition

Business trip two of three. This is the longest one, four hotel nights plus a night on a red-eye flight home.

I'm glad I'm traveling today because I enjoyed sharing my pregnancy with my co-workers. The last time I was up here, I was about 13 weeks along and barely showing. So some of my co-workers just found out about it today!

We're also experiencing a mini baby boom in my organization -- there are a lot of people who have either had babies recently or are expecting babies in the coming months. There are two guys in particular whom I talked with a lot today. One has a one-month-old at home, and another is expecting his first in about a month. So we were talking about shopping for baby stuff and dealing with crying newborns and other fun topics. It was fun to share in their excitement and confusion as first-time parents, and really has me looking forward to going through it all again :)