Thursday, November 19, 2009

Missing out

One of the frequently-fired missiles in the mommy wars goes something like this: "As a stay-at-home mom, I'm able to attend all of the class parties at my kid's school. I see all the kids who don't have a parent there because both parents work. I see how sad those kids are."

I always roll my eyes at that. "Well, I have a flexible work schedule. I'll be at every party. No problem. It's called work-life balance, duh."

At the orientation meeting for Littles' preschool, we got the calendar of all the important dates for the year, and I dutifully sat down and put every single party for the entire school year into my calendar. I wasn't going to miss a single one!

Fast forward about two months. I received a calendar placeholder for my training in Seattle this week, went to accept it -- and realized that the last day of training conflicted with Littles' very first class party.

An enormous wave of mommy guilt washed over me. I immediately pulled up an instant messenger window to tell Hubby to please, please, please make time to go to Littles' school on November 19th for a special Thanksgiving lunch.

He agreed. Mommy guilt assuaged.

That is, until my normal pre-bedtime phone call with Hubby and Littles tonight. Turns out it wasn't just lunch; the kids put on a little play for the parents. Littles' class sang songs, and apparently Littles (who loves to sing at home) just stood there and didn't sing anything!

I giggled at that with Hubby, and then it hit me: I missed my daughter's first school play :(

I pressed Hubby for more details, but I could hear Littles wailing for bedtime in the background. He said, "I'll tell you all about it when you get home."

I can't wait.

Why I'm glad I'm traveling today, Thursday edition

A guy in my training class had free speaker phones to give away! They hook up to your laptop -- definitely handy for all my conference calls at home. Woo-hoo for free gadgets!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Why I'm glad I'm traveling today, Wednesday edition

I talked to Hubby and Littles a couple of times tonight. They had a daddy-daughter dinner at a local restaurant, and it sounded like they both enjoyed it.

It reminded me of one of the definite upsides of all my traveling over the past few weeks: Littles has grown noticeably closer to Hubby. Not that they weren't close before, but there are just some subtle differences, like how Littles no longer asks for me to do both bathtime and story time at night. (Hubby and I always split those responsibilities when we're both home, even when Littles protests.)

Don't get me wrong, Littles and I are still very close. It's not like she's rejecting me for being gone. It's just that in my absence, her relationship with her daddy has had space to grow. And that's a beautiful thing for me to see.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Why I'm glad I'm traveling today, Tuesday edition

Finding the handful of sleeping positions that are actually comfortable at 29 weeks pregnant is a lot easier when you have a king-size bed with lots of pillows, all to yourself!

Monday, November 16, 2009

Why I'm glad I'm traveling today, Monday edition

My flight to Seattle was full of soldiers coming home on leave. Not sure from where, but I'm sure they've been away for a lot longer than I will be this week.

When we landed in Seattle, a lot of the soldiers had family/friends waiting right at the gate. (I guess TSA relaxes the restrictions on non-travelers behind security for soldiers coming home. Good for them.) Just in front of me, a dad nearly got bowled over by his three kids, running over to embrace him in a big group hug. Their mom stood off to the side with a smile on her face, taking it all in.

I took it in, too. It made me tear up. It was beautiful, and perfect.

I'm glad I got to witness that, as it warmed my heart. And it made me thankful that my travels are relatively short, infrequent -- and safe.

I hope that dad comes home for good soon.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Influences

I've heard the various insults often hurled at working moms, and for the most part, I can let them roll off my back. I'm very happy with my life, Littles and Hubby appear to be happy with theirs, and so I have a great deal of confidence that I'm making the right choices for my family.

But there is one that never fails to get a rise out of me, which is some variation of: "How can you put your child in daycare, and let someone else raise her?"

In a past post, I explained why I am raising Littles, focusing on the influence that I have on her life, even though she does spend a good chunk of each day away from me. Perhaps the biggest influence that I (and Hubby) have is that we choose where and with whom she spends that time.

I mean, I happen to believe that Hubby and I are pretty darn good parents, but I do not believe that we are the only influences that Littles needs in her life. Not for a minute! There is so much she can learn from others.

Case in point. Littles was playing around in my bedroom last Sunday as I put away laundry. I was in the closet hanging some things up when I heard her say, "Plie, passe..." I looked out to see her holding onto the bed for support, leg raised in a perfect passe. That would be the influence of the weekly dance classes we enrolled her in through her preschool.

Another example. As I posted yesterday, we went to the birthday party of K, one of Littles' preschool classmates. When we first arrived, we ran into K's older brother M. Both of us recognized M from school, although we hadn't connected him to K. Anyway, he was climbing all over the railing on his porch while simultaneously chatting his head off about anything and everything, as only a four-year-old can do. And something clicked in my head: If Littles has been hanging out with this kid all afternoon for the last few months, no wonder her gross motor skills and her verbal skills have both grown immensely!

Also, one of the preschool teachers was at the party helping out, and it was neat to see her in action for an extended period of time. It was clear that Littles is totally comfortable with her. And you could tell just by watching her how much she cared for the kids. Not that I ever doubted it, but I left thinking, "I am very glad this person is in Littles' life."

This is not to say that Littles would be completely deprived of all these wonderful outside influences if I (or Hubby) didn't work. Preschool is certainly not the only way to expose Littles to others! Hubby and I have plenty of friends of all ages who we see regularly and who impact Littles' life.

But, well... Hubby and I do work. And although I still feel strongly that we are raising her and we are the primary influences in her life, I'm more than happy to get a little help from her amazing preschool.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Littles in a different light

Probably my favorite working-mom blog is My Mom Genes. I made the mistake of reading it on a break from my meetings in Seattle last week, and came across a post called Reassurance, where one of the writers talks about watching a slideshow put together by her three-year-old daughter's daycare teachers:

"...we were getting a glimpse into who our children are when we’re not with them. My husband and I saw [our daughter] in a different light. This is who she is when she’s out in the world. Here, she’s not holding our hands, and she’s not being guided by our direction. She’s smiling, sharing, climbing, running, creating... she shines."

It was a mistake to read this at that moment because it made me tear up while surrounded by all my co-workers. Thinking about my baby girl, too, being out in the world. Not holding my hand, not being guided by my direction. And from the occasional glimpse I get, she shines as well.

Hubby and I got more than just a glimpse tonight. Littles got her very first invite to a birthday party for a preschool classmate. The birthday girl was K, who is one of Littles' best friends at school. A lot of other kids from school were there, along with one of the teachers.

As I watched Littles over the course of the evening, it dawned on me: This is who she is when she's out in the world.

I often joke that she was super-active in utero and and hasn't slowed down since, but tonight, I saw her sit quietly next to her teacher with her legs crossed and watch a magic show. I thought back to when Hubby and I first visited her preschool, and how we were amazed to see all the kids sitting quietly during circle time. "Littles will be the one running laps around the room while the other kids sit," we smirked. But out in the world, she does sit.

She climbed out of my lap at dinner and went to chat for a few minutes with a girl named A. Hubby and I compared notes as to what we knew about A -- really, very little, except that she's not in Littles' class but does attend extended care with Littles (after the school day ends at 2 PM). Even though Hubby and I barely know A, she and Littles clearly know each other well. Out in the world, Littles is making friends, all on her own.

Littles is normally shy in large group situations like this one, particularly around adults. Not tonight. The kids all made paper "corsages" and I watched Littles go up to multiple strangers to say, "Look at this! Look at my flower!" Out in the world, without my legs to hide behind, she's outgoing and friendly.

Another excerpt from the My Mom Genes post:

"I’m happy to report that my daughter is a little girl whom I -- and others -- love to spend time with, and will be a woman I can’t wait to know."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Why I'm glad I'm traveling today, Wednesday edition

Trees in Texas simply don't change colors like they do further north. Having spent the first 20+ years of my life living in the north, I miss "real" fall. It's trips like this where I get my fall foliage fix.

This morning, I watched the sun rise all pink and orange over the mountains and the brilliant red and yellow trees. Gorgeous.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Why I'm glad I'm traveling today, Monday edition

Business trip two of three. This is the longest one, four hotel nights plus a night on a red-eye flight home.

I'm glad I'm traveling today because I enjoyed sharing my pregnancy with my co-workers. The last time I was up here, I was about 13 weeks along and barely showing. So some of my co-workers just found out about it today!

We're also experiencing a mini baby boom in my organization -- there are a lot of people who have either had babies recently or are expecting babies in the coming months. There are two guys in particular whom I talked with a lot today. One has a one-month-old at home, and another is expecting his first in about a month. So we were talking about shopping for baby stuff and dealing with crying newborns and other fun topics. It was fun to share in their excitement and confusion as first-time parents, and really has me looking forward to going through it all again :)

Friday, October 23, 2009

I almost didn't make it home

My recent travels have been so problem-free that I was due for a bad trip.

I left my conference early yesterday to stand by for an earlier flight, in hopes of making it home in time to put Littles to bed. I arrived at the airport at 11 AM and found out that the 8:35 AM flight was delayed till 2 PM. I knew that would make standby difficult, since presumably everyone on that flight was trying to get on to another flight.

Sure enough, the 12:55 PM and 1:55 PM flights went off completely full, with no standbys clearing.

Fine. I had a confirmed seat on the 3:40 PM flight, which would still get me home around 9ish, plenty of time to relax with Hubby before bedtime and then see Littles off to school the next morning.

At around 3:30 PM, the gate agent announced that there was a mechanical problem and they were investigating. Maybe 15 minutes later, she informed us that the plane was going out of service and the flight was cancelled.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The 8:35 AM flight had also just been cancelled, so rather than go to the ticket counter and deal with the madness of two full flights attempting to get rebooked, I just called customer service. Initially, the representative tried to grab a seat on a nonstop US Airways flight later that evening, but she came back and told me, "I'm sorry, that US Airways flight is now sold out. The best I can do is a confirmed seat on our 6 AM flight tomorrow morning, arriving at 10:43 AM."

Pre-Littles, I would've happily grabbed a cab back to the strip and enjoyed an extra evening in Vegas on someone else's dime.

Instead, having gone from "I might see Littles tonight" to "I won't see Littles tomorrow morning" in the space of a few hours (and having way too many pregnancy hormones coursing through my body), I just broke down in tears in the middle of the airport.

I decided to go to the ticket counter to see what they could do. My hope was that I could get on a flight to the west coast (Los Angeles, San Francisco, or Seattle), because then I knew there were red-eyes that could get me home by 6 AM or thereabouts -- it would be a long night, but I'd be able to see Littles in the morning.

The line at the ticket counter was long and was not moving, so I called customer service back to see if anything had changed. The representative went to look at the same nonstop US Airways flight that the first one had inquired into, and I patiently waited on hold, knowing that the answer would be "Oops, nope, it's sold out."

I was shocked when she came back to tell me that she had found a seat for me! I didn't believe it until I physically walked over to the US Airways ticket counter and got my boarding pass.

I got home shortly after midnight last night. Bless that agent. Bless her, bless her, bless her.

When I walked in the door, Hubby told me that I might want to check on Littles, as she was grunting a few minutes earlier and might have pooped in her sleep. Sure enough, she had. I've never been so happy to change a poopy diaper :) Hey, it bought me a few sleepy minutes with my little girl.

We were late to school this morning because I was having so much fun playing and just being with her. It is good to be home.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Why I'm glad I'm going home today!

Even if hotel room service is more relaxing than Littles' version, I must admit that I treasure those few extra moments that I get with her on her "room service" nights.

It's nice to have time in the morning to shower and blow-dry my hair, but I prefer having time to hear what Littles has to say over breakfast.

While watching the beautiful sunrise over Vegas yesterday morning, I was reminded of a Lone Star song:
"I've traveled here and everywhere,
Following my job.
I've seen the paintings from the air,
Brushed by the hand of God.
The mountains and the canyons reach
From sea to shining sea
But I can't wait to get back home
To the one He made for me.
'Cause everywhere I'll ever go
And everywhere I've been,
Nothing takes my breath away
Like my front porch looking in..."

And I can't wait to get back home to Hubby and Littles tonight! It's always the best part of traveling :)

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Why I'm glad I'm traveling today, Tuesday edition

Getting ready this morning took less than an hour, including a shower and blow-drying my hair, and it did not involve changing any diapers!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Why I'm glad I'm traveling today, Monday edition

Today marks the beginning of a one-month stretch where I have three business trips. Three! Ugh.

Even the fact that this week's trip is to Las Vegas doesn't help. I'm not a real fan of Vegas anyway -- a city built around drinking and gambling is not much fun for a pregnant woman who doesn't gamble. And I was just here with Hubby for a vacation (our first one ever without Littles) about two months ago, so everything I see here reminds me of him and makes me miss him even more than usual.

But it is what it is, so I might as well look on the positive side by starting a new series called "why I'm glad I'm traveling today."

So why am I glad I'm traveling today? I just enjoyed a lovely room service dinner, where I ordered exactly what I wanted (no debating over what would work best for sharing with a picky two-year-old) and did not hear a single "I don't want it!" "Want more milk!" "Want a spoon!" "No, want a little spoon!" "I'm all done! All done! ALL DONNNNNNNNNNNE!"

Meanwhile, I was on instant messenger with Hubby, who was having his own "room service" experience. That's what we jokingly call it when Littles tries to stall on going to bed by making fifty zillion requests over the video monitor. "I want water!" "I want my Cinderella!" "Yucky water!" "I want monkey!" "I need to go potty!"

I will say, my version of room service was a little more relaxing :) So that is why I am glad I am traveling today.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Childhood vaccines and the working mom

I have a very long post on vaccinations brewing in my head. So before I get into all that, I thought I'd give some background on where I'm coming from with regards to vaccinations.

Littles was fully vaccinated through two months of age. She received:

  • First full day of life: Hepatitis B vaccine
  • 4 weeks of age: Another Hepatitis B vaccine
  • 2 months of age: diphtheria-tetanus-acellular pertussis (DTaP), inactivated polio (IPV), pneumococcal conjugate (PCV), Hib, and the oral rotavirus vaccine

The two Hepatitis B vaccines weren't too bad, but the week or so after her 2-month shots was awful. It's hard to explain. There was nothing "wrong," nothing where I could take her to the doctor and say, "What is going on with this?" The best way I can explain it is that she just wasn't my baby. Normally easygoing and happy, she was really fussy and out of it. She would pull off when nursing and just scream like she was in pain. It was awful.

Luckily, she came through it. But between her 2 month and 4 month checkups, I started doing more research on vaccinations. To make a very long story short, Littles did not receive any more vaccines until she was 16 months old.

Since then, we've been vaccinating on a delayed schedule. Littles gets two vaccines at every checkup. Hubby and I sometimes have preferences as to which ones she should get, our doctor gives us her two cents, and then we decide together what to do. At this point, she's only missing three shots, although those will probably get delayed a little longer than usual to squeeze in her seasonal and swine flu vaccines (highly recommended by our doctor this season, due to my pregnancy).

I was a little nervous when we started vaccinating again, but the difference between getting 5 vaccines at 2 months of age and getting 2 vaccines at 16 months of age is... well, huge. The worst that has happened is that Littles has had some bad leg pain on the night after receiving the vaccines. But even through that, she was still my baby. Thank goodness.

Hubby and I haven't discussed what we'll do with regards to vaccinating Noob. Honestly, I'm not sure that waiting until 16 months to resume vaccinating Littles was a good idea, so I lean towards starting earlier with Noob. But I do still want to space them out -- I don't want Noob ever getting five vaccines in one day.

To bring this post back to the working-mom theme of this blog, one common misconception I see is that unvaccinated/partially vaccinated kids cannot attend daycare -- obviously, a huge issue for working moms. This is not always the case.

Nearly half the states allow philosophical exemptions to vaccinations. Here in Texas, that meant that in order to enroll Littles in preschool, we had to fill out a state-provided form indicating which vaccines we do not want her to receive, get it notarized, and submit that to the preschool along with her (obviously incomplete) vaccination record. Part of the deal is that if there is an outbreak of a disease that she's not vaccinated for, she may not be permitted to attend preschool until the outbreak is over. We'll take that chance, thanks.

If you're not in a philosophical-exemption state, all other states provide a medical exemption for school enrollment, and all but two states (Mississippi and West Virginia) provide a religious exemption. From what I've heard, both of these exemptions are much harder to obtain than a philosophical exemption, but it is something to look into if you feel very strongly about avoiding or delaying vaccination.

I have much more to say on this topic, but I'll leave it at that for now. The bottom line is that I do believe in vaccination in general. (If I didn't, then I never would have agreed to resuming vaccinating with Littles.) I'm just not happy with the way it's implemented in the USA today, for a variety of reasons.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

So much for settling in

Mia woke up in the middle of the night on Sunday and had a hard time settling back down, and kept rubbing her ear. She woke up in the morning complaining, "hurting in my ear." Off to the doctor we went, and sure enough, she has a nasty ear infection. Probably due to the runny nose due to teething. She's on antibiotics and keeps asking for "medicine for my ear" (Motrin) as well.

So this week is shaping up to be a little off too. One of these weeks, we'll get back to "normal."

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Preschool transition redux

I did a post a few weeks ago about Littles' preschool transition. Well, lucky us. We got to go through it again.

Littles had started in her preschool's summer program. This actually worked out really well, as there were fewer kids and the entire program was a little less formal, so it was a good way to ease her (and us!) into it.

The "school year" officially started last Tuesday, the day after Labor Day. That meant lots of new faces, new processes (for example, a teacher now comes to get her from our car, rather than us parking and walking her in), and new rules (for example, she has to get there by 9:10, and she has to wear a uniform).

So it was almost like doing the transition all over again! Last week was rough, very comparable to her first week in school. She barely napped and was super cranky in the evenings. Normal bedtime is 8:00 PM; last week, she was out before 7:00 PM almost every night.

I also had my first parent-teacher conference :) On the first day of school, we got a note asking us to send pull-ups with Littles. As I mentioned in a previous post, we had been sending cloth diapers that function as pull-ups. Her teachers said they were too hard for Littles to pull on/off and just too much hassle for them, now that the school year had started and there were more kids. Hubby and I were pretty furious, since we had been using them for over three months at that point, with no mention of any potential issues with them.

I asked for a meeting with her teachers and we all sat down after school one day to talk about it. Long story short, once I told them that Littles had been doing pretty well with using the potty at home, the encouraged me to ditch the cloth diapers and the pull-ups, and start sending her to school in underwear.

Poor Littles! She was just getting used to everything around the new school year and we had to throw another big transition at her! On top of it all, she is cutting her last 2-year molar and it is a tough one! So this week was also pretty rough, due to all that.

But she did great. I am so proud of her. She had some #1 accidents on Monday and Tuesday, but the rest of the week, the only #1 accidents she had were when she didn't pull her pants down quite far enough when going on the potty. #2 is another story entirely, as she refuses to go on the potty at all. But we're working on it at home whenever we can, and it's great to have the support of her preschool teachers because most of her #2's are actually at preschool.

Hopefully this week, we'll be able to settle in a little bit and not have so many big changes going on!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Lunches that don't require reheating

I'm doing this post partially because this question comes up a lot on the mommy boards I frequent, and partially so that I don't lose this information myself :)

When we first selected Littles' preschool, I posed the following question in a number of different parenting forums:

My daughter will be starting preschool in June, just before her second birthday. Her preschool has no facility for refrigerating or reheating lunches. Anyone else in the same boat? Any suggestions for things that will keep well in a cooler bag with an ice pack, and then will taste good without being reheated?

I got lots of great responses, which I've compiled in a list below.

Be sure to cross-check this list against any rules at your preschool. For example, Littles' preschool does not allow nut products, and they ask that we don't send yogurt tubes, just regular yogurt in a cup. Also, if your preschool provides any snacks, you might want to figure out what types of snacks they usually serve. At Littles' preschool, it's almost all refined carbs (Goldfish, Cheerios, animal crackers, etc.). So we try to minimize those kinds of carbs in her lunch, because she gets plenty at snacktime.

One big tip that I got was to heat food at home and send it in a Thermos. We purchased two Foogo food jars, which can safely keep food hot for up to 5 hours. We pack her lunch at around 8 AM for her to eat at 11 AM, so we're easily within that 5-hour window. (Tip: I found the cheapest prices on these food jars at Wal-mart. They only sell them online, but you can get free shipping using their Site to Store option.)

The full list of suggestions:

  • Sandwich suggestions beyond the ordinary deli meat/cheese on bread:
    • Waffle with cheese and thinly sliced ham
    • Whole wheat bagels or mini bagels with cream cheese or Laughing Cow cheese
    • Tortilla roll-up with chunks of chicken and cheese
    • Hummus (I’m thinkin’ this would be good as a tortilla roll-up with some veggies, too!)
    • Chicken salad, tuna salad, egg salad - try it in a pita
    • "Homemade Lunchables" - send your typical sandwich meat/cheese with crackers instead of bread
    • Cream cheese and jelly
    • Peanut butter and jelly, almond butter and jelly
  • Main courses that can be served cold:
    • Pasta salad - toss cooked pasta with veggies and Italian salad dressing and parmesan cheese, serve cold. Or try cold noodles with peas.
    • Cut-up pieces of roasted chicken or turkey
    • Tofu cubes
    • Hard boiled eggs
    • Search for "bento boxes" for tons of ideas. I found this blog by a mom of a preschooler that has lots of creative kid-friendly bento box ideas: http://lunchinabox.net/. She has a great post on lunchbox food safety, too, BTW: http://lunchinabox.net/2007/05/08/food-safety-for-packed-lunches-updated/
  • Hot food in a Thermos:
    • Soup
    • Mac and cheese
    • Rice, noodles
    • Soy chicken nuggets
    • Mini corn dogs
    • Beans
    • Leftover pasta, Spaghetti-o’s (one mom said her child likes these straight from the can!)
  • Veggies:
    • Edamame tastes good cold.
    • Cooked veggies – send warm in a Thermos (carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, peas, green beans)
    • Some parents said that their kids don’t mind cooked veggies served cold, or canned veggies served cold.
    • "Use frozen peas/corn/broccoli - they will thaw in time for lunch and are delicious cold! (I promise!)"
    • Raw veggies: cucumbers, cherry or grape tomatoes, carrots/baby carrots/shredded carrots for younger kids, celery
    • Send some sort of dip with veggies
    • "If you want soft veggies - Walmart sells veggie cups (by the same makers of the fruit cups).  It is veggies w/water.  The carrots are perfect - they are small squares and are soft.  My son loves them.  They also have green beans, corn, and peas.  I’ve only found them at Walmart, but wish they sold them elsewhere - they are perfect for young children."
  • Fruit:
    • Raw fresh fruit
    • Apple sauce
    • Fruit cup
    • Canned peaches
    • Mandarin oranges
    • Banana
    • Apple slices
    • Fruit bar
    • Fruit leather
    • Dried fruit
  • Sides/snacks:
    • String cheese, slices of cheese, cheese cubes
    • Yogurt - try throwing in some granola or Cheerios on top. Or try GoGurts (yogurt tubes)
    • Granola bar
    • Fig Newtons
    • Veggie Booty or Veggie Chips
    • Tortilla chips
    • Pretzels
    • Cashews or peanuts
    • Goldfish crackers
    • Raisins, yogurt-covered raisins
    • Blueberry muffins, made with squash puree rather than oil

Unfortunately, right around the time that Littles entered preschool, she also entered a bit of a picky-eater phase. We're now used to veggies coming home untouched, no matter how we prepare them, and she's hit and miss on main courses too. Oh well! We'll keep trying stuff.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

The preschool transition

I've been meaning to do a post for a while on Littles' preschool transition -- but, well, life has been busy. Due in large part to the news from my previous post :)

The transition went fairly smoothly. The first week, the main issue was napping, or lack thereof. She didn't nap at all on Monday or Tuesday. By Wednesday morning, she was so exhausted and sluggish that I thought she might be getting sick! As you might imagine, she was also super crabby at night, so for that week, we mostly brought her home, got dinner on the table immediately, and put her straight to bed.

She did nap on Wednesday and then again on Friday, and she's been doing well with napping since then. Every now and then, she has a day where she naps poorly or completely skips her nap, and then she's crabby in the evening again, but it's fine as long as it's not every night!

The second week, I was in Seattle, so I don't know how she did, but I didn't hear any major complaints from Hubby.

The third week was rough because she started clinging to me and crying at drop-offs. Luckily, this only lasted for that week, and then she was back to being happy at drop-offs. In fact, she gets really excited and says, "My school!" when we pull into the parking lot.

(Now, we have the opposite problem, which is that she throws a tantrum when we come to pick her up. Literally, screaming "No! No! No!" the minute she sees us, stamping her feet, crying, even hitting. Makes me feel like Mom of the Year, let me tell you :( This little "phase" has been going on for a couple of weeks now, and I wish it would end already.)

Another minor transition issue (warning: this may be a little TMI!) was that she refused to poop at preschool for the first month or so. She used to poop regularly after her nap, but I think the napping issues that she had threw her "schedule" off. She wasn't actually constipated -- she just pooped at random times at home, rather than daily after her nap at sschool. Then, suddenly, one day in early July, she pooped three times in one day while at preschool, and she has had no issues in that department since then :)

All in all, the transition was smoother than I thought. I actually expected the napping issues and the crying at drop-off to last longer than they did!

Overall, I'm glad that we made the move when we did. Littles really seems to enjoy all her new friends and the activities that they do. Hubby and I have a few little quibbles with the school (such as sending her home one day with a huge fruit-punch face, after we had specifically requested "no juice"), but as I've written here before, no child care situation is perfect. Littles is clearly safe, happy, and surrounded by people who care for her -- those are the important things!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Guess what's in my belly?

Noob11weeks001

That's right -- for those of you who didn't already know, I'm pregnant again! The little one who we're calling "Noob" is due in February 2010, which puts me 16 weeks along right now.

Working has been much easier during this pregnancy, compared to when I was pregnant with Littles. With Littles, I was still doing a lot of onsite customer work, traveling almost weekly throughout the first trimester. I also struggled with a lot of pregnancy-related nausea and fatigue. Let me tell you, it is no fun to be onsite with a customer while you're praying that your breakfast stays down and your eyelids stay open.

This time around, the nausea and fatigue weren't as bad. Plus, I'm working from home, so even when I did feel lousy, it was much easier to manage.

The one part that sucked is that my nausea/fatigue tended to kick in right around 5-6 PM. So Littles would come home from preschool and I'd barely have the energy to get off the couch and play with her. But I really had only maybe 2 weeks where I just couldn't overcome the fatigue, a far cry from 8 weeks of feeling like absolute crap when I was pregnant with Littles.

So anyway, that's the big news! Hubby and I are already talking through issues like maternity/paternity leave, child care, and nursing/pumping... more posts to come on all of these topics, I'm sure! :)

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Bad ideas

Bad idea: Having Hubby and Littles drop me off at the airport for my flight to Seattle tonight. As we drove up, Littles asked hopefully, "Go airplane?" and it broke my heart to tell her, "No, Mommy can't take you this time." :(

Really bad idea: Picking up a copy of Jodi Picoult's My Sister's Keeper at the airport. One of the central characters is diagnosed with leukemia at age 2 -- exactly the age that Littles is right now. As I read the passages describing her mother's emotions upon hearing the diagnosis, I imagined going through that with Littles. I seriously had to stop reading, because I was crying so hard that I was afraid my seatmate would wonder what the heck was going on.

Now all I want to do is go hug my beautiful, healthy little girl... but instead, I'm stuck in this stupid hotel room alone :(

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

My worst day as a working mom

I was in the office today and had lunch with one of my friends, who had her first baby back in January. She just started back at work a few weeks ago, so not surprisingly, it didn't take long for our conversation to drift to the topic of working motherhood.

She is pretty unhappy right now, for a variety of reasons, and talking fairly seriously about quitting her job to stay home with her daughter. Listening to her struggles took me back to my early months back at work.

I started this blog about three months after I returned to work, which means you all were spared the depths of my working-mom despair. I've talked a little bit about it, here and here, but... well, it was bad. Sometimes, I look back and I'm just amazed I made it through and that I am so genuinely happy right now. That's what I tried to get across to my friend.

Specifically, I told her about my worst day as a working mom.

It was in December, the week before Christmas, so Littles was 6 months old and I had been back to work for just under two months. I was working in the same job that I had had before going on maternity leave, which was an onsite product support position. Pre-baby, that job often took me on the road for overnight travel.

Luckily, while I was on maternity leave, an amazing opportunity opened up. A customer located just 20 minutes away from my home purchased a block of "dedicated" hours -- basically, they paid big bucks to get a support person assigned to work through support issues with them. I hoped to be that person, as it would guarantee little to no overnight travel for me.

That week before Christmas, there was a big meeting at the customer site to discuss plans for a big project that would require a significant amount of support. I was invited to sit in on the meeting. All the project bigwigs would be at the meeting, and I saw this as an opportunity to make a good impression and solidify me as their dedicated support person.

The meeting was scheduled from 8 AM to 5 PM. Since Hubby was out of town, this meant I had to ask Maria, our nanny, to come at 7:30 AM so that I could leave Littles with her and get to the meeting. Since it usually took a few minutes to get Littles settled with Maria, I told the meeting organizer that I'd likely be a few minutes late. Not much I could do about that -- I felt bad enough making Maria come an hour early as it was. But I also felt bad wandering in a few minutes late, knowing that the reason for my late arrival likely hadn't been communicated to all the attendees.

As usual during onsite customer visits, pumping was a huge pain. The meeting ran all day, with just some very brief breaks and a working lunch. I didn't even have enough time to make it out to my car, so I pumped in the bathroom for the first time. The female bigwigs from the meeting used the same bathroom, and I worried about what they thought when they heard the "whoomp-whoomp" of my pump. In my head, they were saying, "Why is she pumping in the bathroom? She's so stupid." "She breastfeeds? Yuck. That's so gross." (No one actually said anything to me, but I worried nonetheless.)

I also stressed about not being able to pump often enough. I had had a bout with the stomach flu about two weeks earlier, which had killed my supply, and my freezer stash was dwindling dangerously low. I was pretty sure I was just days away from supplementing with formula. It was a very bad time for me to have a day where I could barely pump at all.

So it was a stressful day for all those reasons. But the kicker came at the end of the day.

As I said before, the meeting was scheduled to run till 5 PM. 5 PM rolled around and the leader showed no signs of wrapping things up. Then, at 5:30 PM (the time that Maria expected me home), we launched into an entirely new -- and extremely important -- topic of conversation. This was not something that could be covered quickly. I knew it could take hours.

I sat in the back of the room squirming. With Hubby out of town and no family or friends anywhere nearby, I was the only one who could pick up Littles.

There were no openings in the conversation for me to explain why I had to leave. And I was on the verge of tears anyway, and didn't trust my own voice.

Finally, at 6 PM, I got up and just walked out. (I later found out that the meeting ran until almost 9 PM.)

I ran to my car and sobbed the entire way home. I felt like a complete failure, as an employee and as a mother. I just wanted to make it all stop, quit my job and stay at home and stop feeling pulled in so many different directions. It is very lucky that I was at a customer site and not at my own office, because if my boss had been there at that moment, I might have quit my job on the spot.

That was absolute rock bottom for me. I teared up today as I was talking to my friend about it, just remembering all the emotions I was feeling at the time.

It turned out that I hadn't made a terrible impression on the bigwigs -- or if I had, no one said anything or acted badly towards me. I was able to act as their dedicated support person for the next few months, until I moved into my current job, and it kept my travel low and my life somewhat sane.

On the mom front, Maria didn't mind my late pickup at all. And I made it through the last few days before Christmas (and then my remaining months pumping at work) without having to supplement with formula, so there were no long-term ill effects from that day of not pumping enough.

And now... here I am. Happy with my working mom life. If you had told me on that December drive home that I would be here today, I never would have believed it.

I'm so glad I stuck it out.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Cloth diapers and the working mom

We’ve been using cloth diapers for about 9 months now, starting when Littles was about 15 months old. I find that a lot of people have misconceptions about cloth diapers, especially how it works with daycare and busy schedules and other pieces of a working mom’s (and dad’s!) life, so I figured I’d share a little bit about our experience.

Cloth diapers? Are you crazy? Sorry, I don’t do diaper pins.
That makes two of us! If you haven’t seen modern cloth diapers, take a peek at the selection at a store like Jillian’s Drawers. There are many different types, none of which require pins (a nifty device called a Snappi replaces pins for old-fashioned prefold diapers), many of which fasten using velcro tabs just like a disposable.

Pockets and AIOs and fitteds… oh my! Getting started is so overwhelming!
I felt the same way! So I started with the Changing Diapers Changing Minds (CDCM) trial program from Jillian’s Drawers.

How does the trial work? You pay for seven different cloth diapers, along with a few accessories. You keep them for three weeks. At the end of three weeks, you ship back any or all of the diapers for a full refund, less a $10 program fee. If you choose to keep all the diapers, you get a $10 refund.

A trial isn’t the cheapest way to get started, but it’s the most risk-free, since you can return everything if you find that cloth just doesn’t work for you. You also might be surprised by which diapers you end up liking, and not liking! I know I was.

Once I figured out what I wanted, I started browsing the Diaper Swappers forums. This is a great marketplace to buy and sell used cloth diapers. It’s extremely overwhelming at first, so I don’t recommend it to complete cloth newbies, but I got the hang of it pretty quickly and found it to be a valuable resource for finding new diapers -- and saving a ton of money.

Wait, wait, wait. Used diapers? Gross!
Well... not really. I mean, it's not like they come to you with some other baby's poop in them! (That would be gross!)

I always wash new-to-me diapers once with bleach to kill any lingering nasties, then put them through another complete wash cycle before putting them on Littles. I've never had any issues.

And the savings are huge. All told, I've saved close to 60% of retail by buying used.

Speaking of price, are you really saving money compared to disposables? Aren't cloth diapers really expensive?
You can save a ton of money with cloth diapers, especially if you start early in your child's life.

To throw out some numbers, I estimate that we would need to spend a minimum of $9/week on disposable diapers for Littles. That's about 6 diapers/day, at about 20 cents/diaper. (Extremely conservative estimates.)

I've spent about $450 on Littles' current stash. This includes not only the diapers themselves but also things like absorbent inserts for pocket diapers, covers for prefolds and fitteds, accessories such as Snappis and wetbags for dirty diapers, etc. Factor in the occasional pack of disposable diapers (e.g. to use while traveling) and laundry costs, and let's call it an even $500.

That means we need to use cloth diapers for about a year just to break even with Littles. We might very well make it, as we've got nine months under our belt already and Littles doesn't look like she'll be potty training anytime soon.

Let's say that we do make it to a year and break even. All that work, just to spend the exact same amount?

Well, no. We plan to have more kids, so we can use Littles' diapers on them to save even more money.

Even if we weren't planning to have more kids, we could always sell Littles' diapers when we're done with them to recoup some of our initial investment. (Try that trick with used disposable diapers!)

And, of course, if we had started cloth diapering Littles earlier, we would have saved even more.

All told, I know we'll end up saving a nice pile of money. And Littles' stash isn't even particularly cheap -- I could have probably put together a fully functional stash for half that price.

If you're looking into cloth diapering to save money, here's a nifty calculator to help you figure out your savings.

Alright, so they're cheaper, but I've heard that cloth diapers really aren't better for the environment.
Yep, this page from Huggies quotes a study sponsored by the UK Government Environment Agency that found that disposable diapers have a similar environmental impact to cloth diapers:

"[The study] showed that using cloth diapers uses more water, energy and detergents, and disposable diapers contribute more solid waste to landfill... Both diaper alternatives were found to have similar, overall impacts on the environment with the differences being the stage of each product's life cycle where the impact occurs."

OK, so the overall environmental impact is the same. Case closed, right? Well, not exactly.

It's important to read through the full study and not rely on a summary because the study makes certain assumptions. Here is a link to the full study. (It seems to move around quite a bit, so apologies in advance if you click on this in the future and it doesn't work.)

As the Huggies site points out, the study finds that "the main source of environmental impact [for home-laundered cloth diapers] is the generation of the electricity used in washing and drying the [diapers]." (page 120)

But now, hop up to page 56 and look at the assumptions made with regards to washing and drying:

  • 75% of cloth diapers are laundered in a water temperature of 60°C/140°F, including 32.1% that are laundered at 90°C/194°F.
  • 19% of cloth diapers are tumble dried.
  • 9.5% of cloth diapers are ironed.

The problems with these assumptions? At least for me:

  • I never wash my diapers in water hotter than 140°F. In fact, most pocket/AIO manufacturers recommend water no hotter than 140°F, as it can break down the waterproof layer in those diapers faster. And 194°F? Forget about it!
  • I always line dry my diapers.
  • I never iron my diapers.

So without a doubt, my energy usage will be lower than the "average" based on that study. And again, the study found that the main environmental impact of cloth diapers is in washing/drying, so if I can cut the environmental impact of washing/drying... well, that's very significant.

In contrast, there's no way to cut the amount of solid waste you contribute to a landfill by using disposable diapers. (Well, I suppose you could just use one diaper a day or something, but that would be gross.)

Even so-called "green" disposables aren't much better than regular disposables when it comes to the amount of solid waste generated. In theory, they are biodegradable (unlike regular disposables), but in practice, "nothing degrades well in a landfill."

What about the laundry? I work full-time and barely have enough time to keep up the house as it is!
Again, that makes two of us :) But cloth diapers really don't take that much more time, compared to disposables. Here's a breakdown:

  • Pee diapers go directly in the pail. No difference between cloth and disposables.
  • Poopy diapers need to be dumped in the toilet. This takes maybe a minute. You can cut down that time by using flushable liners -- the liner catches the poop, and then you dump it all into the toilet.
    This wasn't a big deal for us, as we always dumped poop out of disposables to cut down on the smell. And it's worth noting that you're supposed to dump poop out of disposables too, for health reasons.
  • Taking the pail down to the washing machine takes no more time than taking out a load of disposable diaper trash.
  • It takes me about 5 minutes to put the diapers on the drying rack to dry. (I could cut that time by tumble drying, but as noted above, that increases the environmental impact.)
  • It takes me about 15 minutes to stuff the absorbent inserts into the pocket diapers Littles uses at daycare. This is easy and can be done while talking on the phone, watching TV, etc. (I could also cut that time by using all-in-one diapers instead, which don't require stuffing.)

All told, it's about 20 minutes of extra work each time I do diaper laundry. I do diaper laundry once every three days, so we're talking an extra 40-60 minutes of work each week. That's far less time than I spend on our other laundry! It's entirely doable, even with a full-time job.

Did you ever consider a diaper service instead of washing your own diapers?
We did, very briefly, when I was pregnant with Littles. We quickly eliminated it because it's as expensive as disposables, if not more so!

Now that I know more about cloth diapering, I would never even think about doing a diaper service, for many reasons:

  • Diaper services only provide prefolds, which are the "old fashioned" diapers that many people think of when they think of cloth diapers. They don't provide the more modern and easy-to-use pockets and all-in-ones. That said, I actually really like prefolds... but for working moms, they're a no-go at most daycares.
  • As we realized previously, it's expensive! The local diaper service here in Dallas charges $75/month for 80 diapers/week, which is what's recommended for a newborn. Compare that to the cost of 80 disposables/week: That would cost around $70/month if you pay 20 cents/diaper. And compare that to the cost of purchasing 30 prefolds (enough to go 3 days between laundering) and washing them yourself: Even new prefolds only cost about $2 apiece, so you'd spend just $60 upfront, less than either of the other two options -- and that would be all you would need to spend on diapers for the first six months or so! (You would still need to buy covers, but you need to buy covers with a diaper service too.)
  • It's not very "green." Most diaper services wash diapers at extremely hot temperatures in order to properly sanitize them so that they can be used on multiple babies. Some also use bleach and other additives regularly. Laundering at home, I can wash at lower temperatures because the diapers are just used on one baby, and I can minimize the use of additives like bleach. That lowers the overall environmental impact.
  • The downside of having someone else wash your diapers is that you end up with a week's worth of dirty diapers sitting around your house!

What about daycare?
When we first switched to cloth, we were sending Littles to a stay-at-home mom during the day. I approached her about trying out some of our diapers, and she agreed. She preferred velcro, so I ended up purchasing 8 BumGenius diapers just for her to use. I also provided a wetbag for her to put dirty diapers in, as well as some disposables for her to use when she wanted. I also told her that she didn't have to dump poop if she didn't want to (although she usually did anyway).

To be honest, it was not a raging success. Although our sitter never said anything explicitly, I strongly suspect that she really didn't like using cloth. Over time, she used disposables more and more. It wasn't uncommon for Littles to come home in a cloth diaper, with only one diaper in the wetbag (i.e. the one I had put on her that morning). We also had a lot of problems with leaking, and our sitter always seemed really annoyed by it. In my opinion, any logical person would have taken the leaking as a sign that Littles needed to be changed more frequently, but I suspect our sitter wanted the excuse to not use cloth.

But we liked our sitter otherwise, and so it wasn't worth raising a stink over. The last straw came in April, when Littles had a week where she leaked just about every day. At that point, we knew we were just weeks away from switching her into a new preschool, so we switched to disposables exclusively for the remaining time with our sitter.

As for her preschool, we are using cloth there too. When we initially decided to go with that school, I decided to approach the director about using cloth diapers. I started by looking up the Texas state licensing requirements to see what they had to say about cloth diapers. In Texas, there are no rules against using cloth diapers; the only requirement is that each soiled (i.e. poopy) diaper must be placed in a separate bag.

So I took that information to the preschool director. Her only concern was about possible smell, but I assured her that I would provide a big wetbag for all diapers and take it home nightly. She agreed to give it a try.

The preschool does have a somewhat unique requirement around diapers in general: They require pull-ups, as they do not do any diaper changes lying down. So I had to figure out a pull-up cloth solution. I evaluated a bunch of different cloth training pants, but Littles really still needs the absorbency of a diaper and I found that the training pants just didn't cut it.

Eventually, I got a tip that just about any side-snapping cloth diaper can be used as a pull-up. I eventually settled on Green Acres Designs (GAD) pockets. I simply stuff each diaper with two inserts (one hemp, one microfiber or bamboo) to increase the absorbency (Littles does pee a lot!), then snap them on the appropriate setting. They pull on just like a disposable pull-up, and then can be snapped off. I also provide a wetbag and a few gallon-size Ziploc bags for poopy diapers. (I hand-wash the used Ziplocs at night.)

Littles has now been in school for four weeks and so far, so good! She has had a few leaks, but nowhere near as bad as with our old sitter. And this past week, I noticed that they have been changing her more frequently (there are usually four diapers in the wetbag at the end of the day, compared to two or maybe three in the first few weeks) and so I'm sure it's no coincidence that this was a leak-free week. They are even dumping poop, which is more than I expected from them!

I'm particularly pleased that the GADs seem to be working out because disposable pull-ups are expensive! They're tough to find for under 30 cents/pull-up. That means we'd likely be spending around $8/week or more just on pull-ups during the day! In comparison, I've spent $127 on the GADs and the extra inserts I needed. We'll break even in just 12 more weeks.

So there you have it -- cloth diapering is totally doable, even for the working mom! I know cloth diapering is not for everyone, but if you've been nervous about starting because you think it's too complicated or too much work, I hope this post helps show otherwise :)

Monday, June 22, 2009

I missed my daughter's birthday

Littles' birthday was last week and I was out of town on a business trip. She's only two and so I know she didn't know the difference, but I felt guilty not being there.

To make matters even worse, the meeting that I had to attend was really stupid and a waste of time. Yet it was timed perfectly to make it completely impossible for me to catch a flight that would put me home before bedtime.

Sometimes, being a working mom really sucks.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Montessori in action

Normally, Littles' preschool asks parents to keep dropoffs short -- no lingering around. But since this is Littles' first week, the director encouraged me to stay a little longer in the mornings to help her settle in. I jumped at the opportunity to get a little taste of what her days will be like and observe the Montessori method first-hand.

We arrived right at 9 AM on Monday morning and went to the extended-care room for a few minutes while the teachers finished preparing the main classrooms.

Most of the kids who had been in extended care went to the school's older classroom (which is for kids who have had at least a year of Montessori and are potty trained). Littles and one other little girl went to the beginner room. Soon, a boy and another girl were dropped off. The teacher told me that one of the girls had just turned 2 in March, and the other girl and boy were both 2.5.

Each child was allowed to choose their Montessori "work" for the morning. Each "work" is basically a toy, but it has a very specific purpose/goal. Littles started out with a geometric sorting board. It is similar to this:

GeometricSortingBoard

Except the one in Littles' classroom is in the shape of a clown, with the circle as the head, the triangle as the body, the square as the lower body/legs, and the rectangle as an arm raised to the side.

Littles loved taking all the blocks off the pegs and then putting them back on. The toy looks so plain and simple, but when you think about it, it's teaching:

  • Colors
  • Shapes
  • Numbers (since each shape has a different number of holes in it)
  • Categorizing (rectangle goes on top of rectangle, square goes on top of square...)
  • The one in Littles' classroom also teaches body parts, as well as emotions, because each circle has a face drawn on it that shows a different emotion

After Littles got all the blocks off, she got up and went to get a different "work." Her teacher encouraged her to finish the one she had started, so she sat down and went back to it. She got stuck because she put some of the blocks on the wrong pegs. The teacher demonstrated how to put one of the blocks on the correct pegs, then took the block off and told Littles to try it herself. She picked it up right away and finished putting all the shapes back on the board. Then she was asked to put the board back on the shelf and get a new work.

The next one she picked turned out to be much more complicated. The teacher started to demonstrate it to her, but she lost interest midway through and wandered back to the sorting board. The teacher smiled at me and said, "That's really common at this age. This is a long work." She cleaned up the complicated one while Littles played with the sorting board again.

Meanwhile, the other kids were all concentrating on their own works. At one point, Littles tried to take some pieces of another child's work, and the teacher gently told her, "No, no. That's Stephanie's work. Here's your work." I know that Montessori students are encouraged to work together, and I've seen that in action in the older classroom, but I think that two-year-olds are a little young to "get" that concept :)

It was interesting to see Montessori in action. I feel like I understand a little better why it is considered to be "child centered" and "play based." The Montessori materials are fun to play with! It may be called "work," but it feels like play. And there is no organized activity during the Montessori time; each child chooses what to do. Littles could have played with the geometric shape sorter the entire time, if she had wanted. But each work does have a specific purpose, and the teachers do guide the children one-on-one to better understand the work.

In comparison, when Littles has "dropped in" at various daycare centers, I've seen that there is usually a similar playtime in the mornings, where the children have free roam of the room with no organized activity. But not all toys in the room have a specific educational purpose, like the Montessori materials do. Children are allowed to pick up a toy and put it down -- the teacher does not necessarily encourage them to "figure out" the toy or put it away when they are done with it. And the time really is "free play" with basic supervision by the teacher. The Montessori time feels like play too, but with a purpose, and with one-on-one guidance from the teacher.

That's not to say that the traditional daycares are "bad" or unstructured. I know that the daycares where we've done drop-in care do have plenty of structured educational activities later in the day. Nor am I saying that Littles spends her entire day at her preschool drifting from one Montessori work to another according to her whims. Her classroom does have a lesson plan -- for example, they're learning about the letter "B" right now by (among other things) blowing bubbles, bouncing balls, and listening to bells.

But I can definitely see the difference in the approach. Time will tell whether the Montessori approach is the right one for Littles, but for now, at least, she seems to be doing really well with it.

Monday, June 8, 2009

First day of preschool!

Before:

DSC05912

After:

DSC05917

That's what happens when you don't take a nap all day! She was asleep within 5 minutes of getting in the car :)

Aside from not napping, she did really well! She settled right in to the Montessori "work" in the morning and didn't even cry when I left! When we picked her up, she had something white (yogurt?) all over her shirt, something blue (marker? paint?) all over her hands, and sand in her shoes. I think those are signs of a good day :)

Sunday, June 7, 2009

The preschool decision

This post is part of an ongoing series on finding child care.

As I have explained previously, we started looking for a full-time preschool for Littles after her sitter informed us that she was pregnant and would not be able to care for Littles as she neared her due date. We came up with three solid preschool options: two Montessori schools (which I will call Montessori A and Montessori B), and a daycare in the Bright Horizons chain.

I initially visited each school on my own. I liked all three, although each had its strengths and weaknesses.

Montessori A
Pros:

  • Good word-of-mouth recommendations
  • Directors able to clearly articulate the school's educational philosophy and approach
  • Lunch not provided by the school. Parents provide lunch, either from home or through a partnership with local restaurants. (I consider this a pro, as I like being able to have significant control over what Littles eats.)
  • Starts at 18 months of age. This meant that Littles could potentially start as soon as they had an opening.
  • Two campuses, one near our home and one near our sitter's home. This meant that Littles could potentially start with 3 mornings/week at one campus in the winter/spring (with her sitter picking her up), and then move to full-time in the summer at the campus near our home.

Cons:

  • In my discussions with the directors, I felt that there might be a little too much emphasis on academics and being "advanced." As I explained in my last post, my main concern is ensuring that Littles learns to love learning, not that she learns specific skills, and I wasn't sure that Montessori A shared that philosophy.
  • In my initial discussion with one director, she made a huge deal out of healthy eating and said that she never, ever allowed junk food into the school, even for special occasions/parties. Then I found out from the other director that one of the local restaurants that the school partners with for catered lunches is Chick-fil-a. Along the same lines, I happened to visit the school on Valentine's Day, and saw tons of cookies, cupcakes, and other junk food. What concerned me most was not the presence of the food itself (I could opt out of Chick-fil-a for Littles, and everyone deserves a little junk food on Valentine's Day!) but the fact that the director had made such a big deal out of healthy food over the phone but apparently ignored it in practice.
  • Some things made me question how closely the school adhered to the Montessori philosophy. For example, one of the core tenets of Montessori is mixed-age classrooms (three-year age range), yet most of the Montessori A classrooms seemed to have no more than a two-year age range amongst the students.
  • This preschool had a very strange licensing violation, regarding transporting a child between two vehicles while parked on the shoulder of a highway.

Montessori B
Pros:

  • Good word-of-mouth recommendations
  • Director able to clearly articulate the school's educational philosophy and approach.
  • Director specifically emphasized teaching a love of learning over teaching specific skills (unprompted by me)
  • Lunch not provided by the school. (See above for why this is a pro for me.)
  • Smaller school with just three classrooms total. The director said that it has a "family" feel, where all the kids know each other, and I could definitely sense that when I visited.
  • Cheaper than the other two options ($715/month for full-time care, compared to around $850/month for the other two)
  • Only licensing violations are paperwork issues (e.g. missing physician information)

Cons:

  • Significantly further from our home than the other two options, although still closer than our current sitter. (We actually passed Montessori B every day on the way to our sitter's home.)
  • Only takes children starting at age 2. They were willing to take Littles a few weeks shy of her second birthday, but there was no way for her to ease into preschool by starting part-time in the winter/spring.
  • Higher student-teacher ratio than the other two preschools, although I believe the class size quoted to me (18 students to two teachers in the "beginner" room) included a significant number of part-timers. It's also worth noting that Montessori does not specifically emphasize low student-teacher ratios, because the idea is that students learn from other students as well as from teachers.
  • This may sound silly, but the playground is smaller and has less equipment (especially for kids Littles' age) compared to the other two schools. Also, the other two schools had covered outdoor playgrounds (very important for hot Texas summers!) while Montessori B's playground is uncovered.

Bright Horizons
Pros:

  • Some good recommendations from people with children in the infant room at this specific center, and many good recommendations for the Bright Horizons chain in general.
  • NAEYC accredited
  • Director able to clearly articulate the school's educational philosophy and approach.
  • Low student-teacher ratio, and the director specifically mentioned that they keep the ratios below where the corporate office would like them to be because they felt it just worked better that way (even though the corporate office's desired ratios are still well below state maximums)
  • Accepts children as young as six weeks, so if we have another child, s/he could go there as well.
  • Immediate part-time openings, so we could start Littles two days/week in the winter/spring and then ease into full-time in the summer.
  • Smaller center, no "corporate" feel even though it is part of a nationwide chain.

Cons:

  • Lunch provided by the school. The menu wasn't bad -- I could definitely live with it -- but I prefer to provide food.
  • A licensing violation around not reporting that the infant room had flooded and was unsafe for children. The director explained that they temporarily moved the infants to another room, but still, how can you forget to notify licensing about something like that?

The decision
After visiting all three schools by myself, I was leaning towards Bright Horizons. I liked their curriculum, I liked their teachers and their director, I liked the idea of being able to start Littles part-time at first, I liked the idea of not having to drive so frickin' far to drop her off!

I then went back to visit all three schools with Hubby.

We went to Bright Horizons first, and he walked away saying, "Now I remember why we liked that place so much when we looked at it before." (We had come very close to placing Littles at Bright Horizons back around her first birthday. Full story here.)

We went to Montessori B next. I was really curious to see Hubby's reaction. It was probably the most "unique" of our three options, which can be a good thing or a bad thing!

The director took us into one of the classrooms and spent probably 30 minutes talking to us about Montessori, showing us the various materials available to the students, etc. Hubby seemed interested, but I wasn't sure if he was just being polite. Finally, the director left the room to get something else to show us and Hubby mouthed to me, "I like this place!" After we wrapped up at the school, we went out to lunch to debrief, and Hubby couldn't stop raving about it. He liked it more than Bright Horizons -- and after that second visit, I did as well.

Finally, we visited Montessori A. We had a less-than-impressive tour with one of the staff members. (My initial tour had been with one of the directors.) She admitted that she came from a traditional daycare background and really struggled to explain Montessori concepts and how they were implemented at her school. To give A a fair shake, I did explain to Hubby that the directors at A could talk about Montessori just as articulately as the director at B had done, but it didn't really matter. We were both completely sold on Montessori B.

So... Littles starts at Montessori B on Monday. I'm very excited about it. I think she'll really enjoy being in a larger environment, and I think she'll learn a lot. I am nervous about the transition, and I definitely think the first few weeks will be tough, with lots of tears at drop-off. But hopefully, she'll settle in quickly and start loving it!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Preschool options

This is my ninth post in a series on finding child care.

As I have explained previously, we started looking for a full-time preschool for Littles in early 2009, after her sitter informed us that she was pregnant and would not be able to care for Littles starting in the summer of 2009.

Coincidentally, our neighbors have a son who is just a few weeks younger than Littles, and they were looking for a preschool as well. They gave us recommendations for two excellent Montessori schools in the area, which I will call Montessori A and Montessori B.

I could easily devote an entire blog post -- or, heck, an entire blog -- to explaining the Montessori philosophy, so I'll try to be brief. It's an alternative educational method that is child-centered, rather than teacher-directed. Children are allowed to choose the educational activities that they participate in, with guidance from their teachers, of course. If you're interested in learning more, I found this "Montessori 101" guide to be an excellent introduction.

One important thing to realize about Montessori is that it is a philosophy, not a chain or a franchise, so individual Montessori schools can differ drastically. For that reason, I knew it was important to take a close look at both schools and see what I thought.

I had a 30-minute discussion with the director of Montessori A over the phone before I visited, and I loved everything I heard. She was able to clearly articulate the school's educational philosophy, and it sounded wonderful. She also put a strong emphasis on active parental involvement, both in the actual educational experience and in non-educational areas such as providing healthy food, ensuring that kids get plenty of sleep, etc. Finally, Montessori A had two campuses, one close to our home and another close to our sitter's home. That meant it might be possible for Littles to start out with three mornings a week in late winter/spring (with her sitter picking her up in the afternoon), then move to full-time in the summer, which was a nice option.

I looked briefly at Montessori B, but eliminated it early on because: a) it was significantly further away from our home than the other options (although still closer than our sitter's house) and b) it started at age 2, not 18 months, so starting Littles part-time in late winter/spring was not an option.

Then, I happened to attend a "preschool fair." (Basically, it was set up in a room at the local library, and a bunch of area preschools sent representatives. So you could go from table to table and talk to different preschools about their programs.) The director of Montessori B flagged me down and started talking to me about her school. Something about it immediately appealed to me. The director was just as articulate about B's educational philosophy as A's director had been, but there were some subtle differences. For example, A's director had bragged that most of her four-year-olds were reading. This made me wonder, "What about your four-year-olds who aren't reading? How do you feel about them?"

See, while I would love for Littles to be able to read at age four, I also don't see it as necessarily being a "goal" or a point of pride. The A-number-one most important thing to me right now is not that Littles learns specific skills (e.g. reading, math) but that she learns to love learning. I figure if she has a love of learning instilled in her at an early age, the specific skills will follow in time.

I had figured this out in my head long before talking to B's director, so it was neat to hear her talk about instilling the love of learning as well. She did mention that most of her four-year-olds are reading but was quick to follow up and say, "We work with each child individually on reading, and go at whatever pace they need." I just got a very good feeling from her, all around.

After that talk, I put Montessori B back on our list.

To round out the list, I also decided to look at a more traditional preschool/daycare. I chose the same Bright Horizons center that we had almost sent Littles to when we first moved to Dallas, since Hubby and I had both really liked it. I talked at length with the director about its educational philosophy and how it differed from Montessori. It was more child-centered than most of the other chain daycares I visited, which had a prescribed curriculum dictated by the central corporate office. At Bright Horizons, teachers were encouraged to come up with their own lesson plans based on the interests of their students. I definitely felt that the curriculum was well-thought-through and structured enough to ensure kids were learning while still allowing plenty of time for fun and play.

Another benefit of Bright Horizons was that they had immediate part-time openings, so Littles could potentially go two full days a week through late winter/spring (spending the other three days with her sitter) and then move to full-time in the summer.

I looked at a few other daycares and Montessori schools in the area, but these three stood out as my favorites. Hubby and I took a few days to go back and visit all three together, and then we made our final decision.

In my next post, I'll talk about which school we chose and why.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

The preschool search

This is my eighth post in a series on finding child care.

As I have explained previously, we used a stay-at-home mom (Kristi) for child care after moving to Dallas just before Littles' first birthday. At first, she watched Littles along with her own two school-age boys and another boy about a month younger than Littles. The boy's mother got laid off a month or two after we started, and Kristi never filled his spot. So once her own boys went back to school in the fall, when Littles was about 14 months old, it was just Littles and Kristi during the day.

Littles thrived in this situation and always enjoyed her time at Kristi's. Still, as she approached 18 months of age, Hubby and I started to feel that she would enjoy being around other children her age on a more regular basis.

So we started looking again at group child care settings. I had already visited virtually every daycare center within a 10-mile radius of our house during our previous search for child care, so during the early days of our new search, I focused on preschools. I hadn't visited these before because they didn't take children younger than 18 months of age.

We weren't necessarily looking for full-time care. I really wanted to find a program for perhaps 1-3 mornings a week, so that I could drop Littles off and then Kristi could pick her up and care for her in the afternoon and on the days when she didn't go to preschool at all. I found the preschools to be much more accommodating of part-time and especially part-day schedules than daycare centers. In fact, many of the preschools I looked at only offered part-time care for younger kids, and didn't offer care at all past 2 PM or thereabouts.

I had started collating a list of possible preschools and scheduling appointments when Kristi informed us that she was pregnant!

(As an aside, this is another downside of having a single caregiver: If that person decides that s/he no longer wants to take care of kids for any reason, you have to find a whole new provider. We were lucky that Kristi gave us plenty of notice. Some providers aren't as courteous.)

The timing really could not have been more perfect. Kristi told us about the pregnancy in January, and as it so happens, most preschools in our area do open enrollment in February and March for the following fall. This meant we really had our pick of programs. Had we found out about Kristi's pregnancy in April or later, we might have had to get on a waiting list, as many of the programs would have filled up during the open enrollment period.

Also, Kristi didn't mind continuing to watch Littles until the time that her boys got out of school, in early June. That gave us plenty of time to find a program that met our needs. The only adjustment we had to make was to look for programs that offered full-time care.

In my next post, I'll talk about what we ended up finding.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Full weaning!

I mentioned a few weeks ago that we were headed towards full weaning. It looks like we did it!

I got home from Seattle on a Friday morning and somewhat expected Littles to yell out "Num-nums!" the moment she saw me. But she didn't. In fact, she went five straight mornings without asking to nurse.

The following Wednesday, I had to do a very rare onsite customer visit. The morning was hectic, trying to get myself ready and Littles ready and get out the door. So of course, Littles decided that morning that she wanted to nurse for the first time in a week and a half.

OK, fine. We sat down and she latched on. Then she immediately pulled off with a confused look on her face. Which is strange, because even though I'm sure my supply was way down from not having nursed or pumped in so long, I doubt it was all that great before that, so it shouldn't have come as a huge shock to her that it took some effort to get something out. But she didn't even try. That's how quickly she pulled off.

"Other side?" I asked. She sat up and said, "Other side." So I switched sides and the same thing happened. "No more num-nums?" I asked. "No more," she said quietly. "Breakfast? Yogurt?" I asked. "Yogurt!" she said with a smile, and climbed out of my lap to go play.

On Thursday, I had to go back to the customer, so the morning was similarly hectic and of course, Littles asked to nurse again. The same thing happened. She barely latched and then pulled off and said, "No more."

That was almost two weeks ago and she hasn't asked to nurse since. I think we may be done for good, in which case, her last nursing session was on May 7, at just shy of 23 months of age.

When I think about those last two sessions, it makes me a little sad. The way she said "No more" in a quiet, sad voice. But I remind myself that this is a toddler who has no problem expressing her opinion if you don't give her something she wants :) I think about the morning when she was using one of my tank tops as a purse and getting very upset when the stuff she put in fell straight through the bottom. She apparently expected me to magically turn the tank top into a bag. "Bag. Bag! BAAAAAG!" she screamed, over and over.

So if that same toddler accepted my lack of milk with a quiet "no more," I don't think she was too upset about it. I think she was ready to be done, too.

As for me? I feel really good about all of it. The way we weaned was so easy and so natural. It felt like the right "next step" in our nursing relationship, just like starting solids and weaning off the pump when we did. I haven't had engorgement or any mood swings (well, I don't think I have, you should probably confirm with Hubby :) like I've heard some women complain about after weaning. I'm happy for all the time we shared nursing, but I'm also very happy to be done.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Kristi pros and cons

This is my seventh post in a series on finding child care.

As I have explained previously, when we moved to Dallas shortly before Littles' first birthday, we started sending Littles to Kristi, a stay-at-home mom to two school-age boys who watched Littles along with one other little boy (a month younger than Littles) out of her own home. So this was a sort of a cross between a nanny share and a very small in-home daycare.

I've highlighted some of the pros and cons of this situation below.

Interaction with other kids vs. 1:1 attention
About a month or so after we started with Kristi, the other little boy's mom got laid off. Kristi looked for another child to take his place, but never ended up finding one. So for months now, it's been just Littles and Kristi during the day. (Kristi picks up her two boys, along with another school-age boy, at around 3 PM, so Littles has some older kids to play with in the afternoon.)

I consider this to be something of a downside to this arrangement, and to be honest, I'm not sure we would have selected Kristi if we had known that that would happen. Littles loves being around other kids, and I think she would have more fun with a playmate her own age.

But there are also plenty of upsides to Littles being the only baby. Obviously, she gets plenty of one-on-one attention. I don't think that's as crucial for one-year-olds as it is for infants, but it is still important. It is also easier for Kristi to get out of the house with only one baby to worry about, so she was able to take Littles to different places, rather than always being stuck in the house. Finally, Kristi is able to tailor each day around Littles' schedule and interests. If Littles has a rough night, I know she can get some extra sleep during the day, without worrying about other kids waking her up. Or some mornings, as we're getting ready, she asks to read a book or go for a walk -- and then I can tell Kristi that and know that she'll do it, because she doesn't have to consider the interests of any other kids.

Rules
The daycare centers that we looked at tended to have a lot of "rules" in the toddler rooms. The two hardest for Littles at 12 months old: No bottles, and only one nap a day at a specified time.

Had we been looking when Littles was 18 months old, or even 15 months old, I don't think the rules would have been such a big deal. But at 12 months old, especially in the midst of a move halfway across the country, the first few months would have been very difficult.

Kristi, of course, didn't have any of these rules, and it was nice to give Littles the time she needed to grow up on her own, rather than forcing her into it.

I also like being able to provide Littles' food. None of the daycare centers we looked at would allow that.

Caregiver time off
One downside of any single-caregiver situation is that there will inevitably be a time when that caregiver is unavailable and you need to make alternate arrangements for care. That is certainly the case with Kristi, who asks for significantly more time off than our previous nanny.

Since my job is very flexible, and we also have an excellent backup care program available through our employer, it's rarely a problem to find alternate care for Littles when Kristi is unavailable. And there are plenty of benefits to a single-caregiver situation. It's good to know that Littles has consistency in care. And it's helpful for Hubby and me to have one person to communicate with regarding Littles' care, rather than having to talk to one person and hope that the message reaches her other caregivers.

So it's worth it for us to put up with the occasional inconvenience of having to find backup care. But if our jobs were less flexible, that might not the case.

Caregiver style
Kristi definitely has a different style from our previous nanny, Maria. She is more willing to listen to me and work with me on my preferences for Littles' care, which is good. I find that she and I tend to think alike in many ways anyway. She makes most of the same decisions I would make with regards to Littles' care, without much guidance from me.

She is less "cuddly" and loving than Maria was -- more like a teacher than a nanny, if that makes sense. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing, especially now that Littles is no longer a little baby. It's just different.

Location
We take Littles to Kristi's house, which means about a 30-45 min roundtrip each morning to drop off and each afternoon to pick up. Obviously, this is much less convenient than having a nanny come to our home, and also a little less convenient than most of the daycare centers we had considered.

Cost
Although taking Littles to Kristi's is a little inconvenient, it is also a lot cheaper! Littles gets 1-on-1 care just like she'd get from an in-home nanny, but at less than half the cost. Can't beat that!

Kristi also charges a little less than most daycare centers in our area. She does charge a little more than the average in-home daycare, but given that she watches fewer kids, that's quite understandable. (She told us upfront that she wanted to watch no more than 3 kids, and obviously it's been just Littles for most of the time. In contrast, most in-home daycares have 5-6 kids.)

Conclusions
Kristi has been really good for Littles. Certainly, she made Littles' transition from California easier. While I wish that Littles had some playmates her own age, I do think there are benefits to the 1-on-1 care she enjoys during the day. It's a little less convenient for Hubby and me, since we have to drive further each day and we have to find backup care with Kristi is unavailable, but the low cost and the quality care definitely outweighs those minor issues.

Still, earlier this year, we started thinking about moving Littles to preschool. Hubby and I both felt that as she got closer to age 2, she could really benefit from a larger environment with more kids her own age.

We initially looked at part-time preschools, thinking that we would keep Littles with Kristi for part of the week and send her to preschool for the rest of the time. But we found out at right around the same time that Kristi is pregnant. She is due in July, and wants to stop watching Littles around the time that her boys get out of school in early June. That worked out perfectly with our plans to transition Littles into preschool around her second birthday -- the only difference was that we needed to look exclusively at full-time programs, rather than considering part-time programs as well.

In my next post in this series, I'll talk about our preschool search, and our final decision.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Officially DONE with pumping!

I've been in Seattle this week. Since Littles got through my last Seattle trip with no expressed breastmilk, I didn't even bother bringing my pump along this time. I'm officially done with pumping! Yay!

We're also getting close to full weaning. Our PM nursing session has been slowly dropping off over the past few months. I'm coaching a high school girls lacrosse team, so I have a practice or a game about 2-3 weeknights each week, and I'm usually so rushed with picking Littles up and getting over to lacrosse that there's no time to nurse. Now that we're out of that evening nursing routine, both of us tend to forget even when we are at home. I think Littles has only nursed in the evening a handful of times in the last month.

I was more worried about the AM session, as that one has always been much more consistent (after all, where else do we need to be at 7 AM?) and Littles seemed much more attached to it. But, well, after 22 months, I'm ready to be done. So last week, I just stopped offering to nurse or even mentioning nursing in the mornings. I just get Littles up, change her diaper, and then ask if she wants to get some breakfast. Some mornings, she heads straight downstairs to the kitchen; other mornings, she tells me, in her inimitable toddler way, "No! Num-nums!" And then we nurse.

I'm interested to see how she acts when I get home from Seattle. Maybe she'll miss nursing and want to do it more. Maybe she'll realize that she really doesn't need to nurse anymore.

Either way is fine. I'm ready to be done, but I'm also OK with giving her a little time to catch up to me if she needs it.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

For the record, I AM raising my child

I’m so bad about blogging when I’m not traveling for work. Which is too bad, because I’m only traveling about once a quarter now, and issues around working motherhood come up much more often than that.

Case in point. This past Sunday was gray and rainy, so instead of staying cooped up at home, we decided to take Littles to the aquarium. On the way there, an ad came on the radio for one of those companies that sets you up with a home-based business. The ad was aimed at working moms. "Are you tired of your kids being raised by daycare, rather than you?" it asked.

It's not the first time I've heard someone imply that I'm not raising Littles because I work. I just don't get it.

For starters, I grew up with two working parents, and I can tell you that both of them definitely raised me. As for my daycare teachers? I can't remember their names.

Besides, if I did stay home, and Hubby worked, does that mean that he wouldn't be raising Littles? If I stay home while Littles is young but then send her to school for kindergarten (rather than home schooling), does that mean that I will no longer be raising her at that time?

Of course not.

Anyway, I was there the moment that Littles was born. I choose where she lives, the clothes she wears, the food she eats. I choose whether she spends her free time playing outside or watching TV or visiting the aquarium or goofing off at home. I choose where she goes and what she does on vacation. I choose the role that religion plays in her life. I choose why and how to discipline her. I choose to be a role model to her, and I choose what that means. And perhaps most importantly, I choose to entrust her to Kristi during the day, precisely because I'm confident that she'll follow through on the lead that I set at home.

How dare anyone imply that I'm not raising my child? Ridiculous.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

A big weaning milestone

I've had two days over the past few weeks where I left home before Littles woke up and returned after she was asleep, so we didn't get the chance to nurse all day. The first time, we were away from home, so bringing along expressed breastmilk would have been a huge hassle. Littles didn't seem to miss it. The next time, we were at home and could have easily given some frozen milk, but decided not to. Again, she didn't seem to miss it.

Last week, while I was in Seattle, Hubby and I decided to see if Littles could go the entire time (about 3.5 days, or 7 nursing sessions) without breastmilk. Not surprisingly, she did just fine.

It certainly simplified my life. I still pumped to keep my supply up, but didn't have to stress at all about how much I was getting, didn't have to carry the milk home, etc. Besides, I was pumping well under 1 oz at each session, so it really was hardly worth saving!

She's heading towards full weaning, slowly but surely. I'm ready when she is.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Almost made it

No tears today when I said goodbye to Littles. Hubby was taking her over to her sitter's as I got ready to leave for the airport, and it felt like I was just saying goodbye for the day, even though in my head, I know it's for three-plus days.

I flew through check-in and security, feeling like my old road-warrior self, with my brand-new carry-on luggage and no toddler on my back or car seat to struggle with.

I went to Starbucks for a venti latte that I could actually carry without said toddler and said car seat. I went to pull out my corporate Amex card to pay… and pulled out my zoo membership card instead.

That was something that certainly never happened to my old road-warrior self, who spent her weekends on the couch at home recovering from too much time spent in airplanes and hotels and airports, not walking around the zoo smiling at the look of absolute wonder on her baby girl's face.

And that's when I felt the tears coming to my eyes.

Ah well. I almost made it.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Tough times

So, the company where both Hubby and I work was one of the many that announced layoffs in the last week or so. Luckily, both of our jobs appear to be safe for now, but it still makes me a little nervous, especially since our company has already stated that it will be doing more layoffs over the coming months.

It does make me feel good about being a working mom, knowing that if, heaven forbid, Hubby got laid off, we wouldn't lose our family's only source of income. (Hubby and I work in different areas of the company, so hopefully we would not both get laid off at the same time!) I saw a post today on one of my mommy boards from a stay-at-home mom whose husband got laid off. She is pregnant again, and now has no health insurance. I cannot even imagine.

One upside of the bad economy is that our company is seriously slashing travel budgets. That means fewer trips to Seattle, and more time at home with Hubby and Littles! :) I had been going about once a month, but my trip next week will be my first since early November. It would be great to go another 2 to 3 months till my next trip!