Where I pumped today (well, yesterday)

I was in my company's office in Los Angeles this week for a team offsite. On Wednesday, I pumped in the "quiet room," as this office calls it. Unfortunately, I forgot to take a picture, but it was a pretty standard setup with a couple of chairs and a power outlet.

On Thursday, I went to pump late in the day and discovered that the quiet room was locked. Fortunately, my teammates had all left for the day, and the conference room that we used all week had no interior windows and a locking door. So I just locked the door and used that room to pump.

Probably the best view I've ever had while pumping :)

Breastmilk donation

Pumping for Littles was such a stressful experience that I eagerly anticipated the day when I would able to stop. If you had told me back then that with my next child, I would not only continue pumping past his first birthday but would actually do it for other babies, I would have laughed in your face.

But that's exactly what I'm doing right now.

It all started about three months ago, on Facebook, of all places. My friend E, who has a son just a few months younger than Noob, posted that she had just become a breastmilk donor with the Mothers' Milk Bank of North Texas. I had heard of breastmilk donation before, but given that I have a very average milk supply (I've always made just enough to feed my nursling, not much extra), I never thought it was something I could actually do.

But when I looked into it in more detail, I found out I was wrong. The milk bank asks for a commitment to donate 100 ounces of breastmilk, which does not have to be all at once. I've always maintained a freezer stash of around 100 ounces for Noob to use when I travel on business. I figured that as he started cutting back on nursing past his first birthday, I could slowly cut back on my freezer stash (since I wouldn't need as much to cover him during my business travels) and donate the excess to the milk bank.

So I registered with the milk bank. It's a pretty straightforward process. I had to fill out some paperwork (asking about everything from my average caffeine consumption to the extent of my European travels) and get a blood test done. Everything was paid for by the milk bank. They even gave me collection bottles to use for donation.

It has turned out to be mutually beneficial. Obviously, the milk bank -- and more importantly, the preemies and other fragile babies that it serves -- benefits from getting my milk.

But it has worked out well for me, too. A few weeks after I signed up with the milk bank, Noob went on a nursing strike. For a full week, he only nursed first thing in the morning, and completely refused to nurse the rest of the day. I was worried that this was a sign that he was close to weaning fully, but I did want to keep my milk supply up, just in case he did decide to return to the breast. Thankfully, breastmilk donation gave me a great reason to keep on pumping through the nursing strike. I was able to bank up to 10 ounces of breastmilk each day during the strike. And when Noob did start nursing again, my milk supply was still there for him.

These days, my nursing/pumping schedule looks something like this:

At home - weekday	At home - weekend	While traveling
Morning - Noob nurses During the day - Noob gets a sippy cup of milk. We're working to transition him to whole milk; right now, he gets sippies that are about 1.5 oz breastmilk/4.5 oz whole milk. I pump to get milk for the next day. Any extra goes to the milk bank. Evening - Noob sometimes nurses when he gets home from his sitter's. Night - I pump again. All of this milk goes to the milk bank.	Morning - Noob nurses Late morning (after first nap) - Noob nurses Afternoon (after second nap) - Noob nurses Night - I pump for the milk bank.	I'm traveling this week and following this schedule: Morning - Noob gets a 6 oz bottle of thawed breastmilk. I pump. During the day - Noob gets a sippy of breastmilk/whole milk. I pump. Night - I pump. Since I'm cutting back on my freezer stash, I plan to donate all the milk I pumped this week. On future trips, I may need to use the pumped milk to replenish my freezer stash for the next trip, but whatever I don't need will get donated.

At this late point in Noob's nursing career, I'm not sure how much longer my supply will hold up, but as long as it's still here, I'm taking full advantage of it.

I just dropped off about 150 ounces at the milk bank last weekend. And I haven't even really started cutting back on my freezer stash yet, so I think I'll be able to donate at least 100 ounces more before it's all said and done.

Here's my donated milk all packed up and ready to go. Yes, those are wine bags -- E's brilliant idea for transporting the milk :)

 

Not bad for someone with a very average milk supply :)

Interested in donating?
I know most working moms do maintain a freezer stash, so I really encourage everyone to look into donating it when you're done pumping, even if you don't pump specifically to donate, like I'm doing. There may be a milk bank in your area, but if not, see if you can work with a more distant milk bank. I know the Mothers' Milk Bank of North Texas provides shipping containers and reimburses dry ice purchases for moms who need to ship their milk.

There is also Eats on Feets, which helps moms who have breastmilk find nearby moms who need breastmilk. Direct "milk sharing" is free from the minimum donation requirements and other hoops that milk bank donors must jump through. I'm considering donating some of my milk in this way, as the milk bank's pumping requirements are more stringent (because the milk goes to very sick babies) and not all of my pumped milk meets those requirements. Mostly, it's hard for me to freeze milk within 24 hours when I'm traveling, as the milk bank requires. The milk is still perfectly safe for healthy infants (after all, Noob drinks it :), so if I can find a baby who could use it, I might go that route.

Every pumping mom knows that breastmilk is liquid gold. Better for it to go to a baby than down the drain!

Interesting article

Regrets of a stay-at-home mom

Consider this a warning to new mothers: Fourteen years ago, I "opted out" to focus on my family. Now I'm broke

http://www.salon.com/life/pinched/2011/01/05/wish_i_hadnt_opted_out

I'm posting this link here mostly as a reminder to myself :) I often get caught up in the short-term downsides of being a working mom, like how I have to miss Montessori Night at Littles' preschool in a few weeks for my third business trip in a 5-week period, or how pitiful Noob sounds when he cries as I leave him in the morning. I sometimes find myself thinking, "Gosh, I wish I could just quit. Put an end to this nonsense."

This article is a good reminder to me to think long-term. Yes, my kids will only be this little for a short period of time... and that's exactly why it's important for me to keep working through it. Short-term, yeah, maybe I'd be happier if I weren't working. But what about five years from now, when both kids are in school? I know I'm in a field that I can't just walk away from for a few years and pick up right where I left off. Working might not be the easy choice right now, but if I look just a few years down the road, I know it's the right one.

This comment on the article really blew my mind. I've bolded the parts that I really liked:

I didn't even love being home with my kids. Love my kids, but was grateful to work part-time with sane adults. (No brickbats, plz. I'm a good mother-- ask my kids- but this idea that kids need one woman devoted to their comfort 24 hours a day is pretty recent. Certainly my mother, grandmother, and greatgrandmother didn't do that, and their kids turned out just great.)

But all the part-time jobs were "family friendly," and that meant lousy pay and no benefits. So here I am, 50 with a chronic illness, a husband who lost his job AND our health insurance, and a bunch of part-time jobs none of which offer health insurance. And the only jobs I can get are similar jobs, all underpaid and unbenefited. And I can't get insurance coverage-- insurance companies don't offer private insurance to those who have pre-existing conditions. Six months from now, I'll be able to get the new health care bill insurance-- I am crossing my fingers that nothing goes wrong in between.

And you know, I could actually have given something to the world, not just my kids (who didn't much appreciate it anyway, to tell you the truth-- they think their dad is the cool one, because he went out and earned the money and got his name in the paper and all that). The loss of human potential is something no one factors in, but it's increasingly important to me as I realize I don't have a lot of time left to help people with my rather unique set of talents.

oh, and the husband? He never liked my choices. He "let" me do it, but he always wished aloud that I'd get a good job and make good money, and why did I keep talking about us being equal partners when he was the one working all day and I was the one with the "Freedom".

So-- no respect from kids, husband, society, employers. No benefits. No pension. Nothing on my resume but low-skill, low wage part time jobs. And minimal-- very minimal-- Social Security contributions.

When you're 30 and facing this decision, look forward 20 years. The kids will be grown, and trust me on this, they'll remember about 2% of those wonderful experiences you gave them. Kids know when they're loved and taken care of-- and you can do that just fine with a full-time, full-benefit job. Husband might still be around, might not, but don't assume he'll thank you for your choice to stay home. Or he might have moved on, and you're alone without health insurance.

Just look ahead. Make your choice not just on today but on the future too. And remember that you count, and your future counts, and factor your own well-being long term into your decision. You might still decide to stay home, but you might also think about how to mitigate the dangers -- like insist that your husband deposit 10% of his salary into an account that's just for your future. Take courses to qualify you for a new position (yes, you can do that part-time... you can even do it on line). Teach your kids to respect your choices. Go back to work when they go off to school, or work part time, or work every other year, or try to find a company with flex-time. Get on early with a forward-thinking big company that will promote you even if you work part-time.

You count too. Your future counts. Don't forget that like I did.

So... that is my reminder to myself. If it's a good reminder to you, too -- great :)

Desperation

This post is part of a series on finding child care.

In my previous post, I talked about how we thought we had lined up a spot for Noob at an in-home daycare, only to find out that the spot wasn't available, just two weeks before Hubby's return to work.

Once that happened, I knew that in-home daycares weren't an option. I had already contacted every one within a reasonable distance from our home, and no one had openings.

Hubby and I talked seriously again about the Bright Horizons daycare center that had been our favorite center option. We both really liked it. But there was just one problem that I simply couldn't overcome: In the toddler room, the kids only got one nap a day. And Noob most definitely needed two naps! I think that sleep is so important to young children, and I had a really hard time compromising on that point.

Since the one-nap-at-1-year policy is pretty common in daycare centers, I asked some other daycare moms about how their kids did with that transition. For the most part, they said it went fine. I knew Noob would adjust OK if he had to. But I still felt like it wasn't the best choice for him.

One of the other moms told me, "Taking one nap just gives him more time to participate in that great educational curriculum at daycare!" That comment hit me in completely the wrong way. Noob is 1 year old. This might sound odd, but I totally don't care what he's learning. Sure, I don't want him plopped in front of the TV or stuck in a crib by himself all day, but at his age, day-to-day life is enough of a learning experience for him! He just needs to feel secure and loved, and to get plenty of one-on-one interaction. He doesn't need a college prep curriculum -- and he certainly doesn't need to sacrifice his sleep for the sake of any curriculum!

It was yet another sign that, as I mentioned in a previous post, the daycare centers we visited just didn't fit our parenting "style."

I couldn't get past it. Even Hubby could see it, and conceded that we needed to find a different option.

(As an aside, two months down the road, I'm really glad I stood my ground on this point. Even now, Noob does fine with one nap some days, but usually takes two very solid naps totaling 3-4 hours -- and still has no problem falling asleep for the night before 8 PM. I have to think it would not have been healthy for him to force him down to just one 2-3 hour nap.)

But given our short timeframe, our options were running thin. Feeling a little desperate, I decided to post an ad on craigslist. I had no time to waste interviewing people who wouldn't be a good fit for our family, so I was very upfront about a few of the "non-mainstream" things that are important to us: Healthy food options. Acceptance of extended breastfeeding. Minimal TV. Cloth diapering.

I only got one response back. I think I scared a lot of people off :)

The response was from a 21-year-old woman named "A." She was living with a roommate "L," and watching L's daughter, "S," who was right around Noob's age. A was fine with the things I had mentioned in my post and she actually used proper English spelling and grammar, which is rare to find among craigslist posters/responders :) (I know that sounds nitpicky, but when a post has a ton of spelling and grammar problems, I feel like that person simply isn't very professional.) And her home was conveniently located right on the route we already took to drop Littles off at preschool.

Despite all that, I didn't have high hopes, just because there are a lot of crazies on craigslist. But, well, we didn't really have any other options, so I figured A was worth a visit.

I was surprised when I ended up loving her. When I visited, L was there, too, and they were watching the child of one of their friends. It was obvious how much they both enjoyed being around and interacting with kids. Now, A did not offer a college prep curriculum :) But I definitely got the sense that A would provide the security, love, and interaction that I wanted for Noob, and that she would respect Hubby's and my preferences as parents.

Hubby visited separately (I had been so convinced that I wouldn't like A that I told him not to waste his time coming on the initial visit with me!) and felt much the same way. So we told A that we wanted to go with her.

I quickly got background checks processed for both A and L (since L only works part-time and would be around a lot when Noob was there), and called references. Everything looked good.

A week later, Hubby returned to work, and Noob went off to A's.

In-home daycare search

This post is part of a series on finding child care.

In my previous post, I explained how I explored the daycare centers in my area, finding only one option (a Bright Horizons franchise) that I was willing to consider for Noob.

As much as I liked Bright Horizons, there were a few logistical hurdles that I had trouble overcoming. Most of these centered around the fact that Noob would start there at 11 months of age, which is around the time that kids transition from the infant to the toddler room. I didn't want him starting in the infant room, getting used to the kids and teachers, and then having to move to a new room just a few weeks later. But at the same time, I wasn't sure he'd be ready for the toddler room, where he would need to be walking well, completely off bottles, down to one nap a day, etc.

So I wanted to look at the in-home daycares in my area as well, knowing that they would provide more flexibility while avoiding the quick-transition problem.

Unfortunately, there aren't many in-home daycares in my area. And they can be hit or miss, to say the least. Some are fabulous, and some are downright scary. Fortunately for me, the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services provides an excellent tool for weeding out the scary ones: Search Texas Child Care. This web site allowed me to locate every in-home in my area and, more importantly, view any daycare licensing violations that it had received.

So, the place where TV and video games were the only activities offered, or the place where the licensing inspector had to move knives and scissors to a location not accessible to children? Yeah. I didn't have to bother visiting.

But I did find that in the suburb just to the north of us (where Littles' preschool is located), there are a couple of in-home daycares that have been around since the early 90s and have a clean or nearly-clean inspection record. That was promising!

Unfortunately, when I first started looking in September (about four months before we needed care), none of them had openings :( They also did not have a waitlist or any formal means for me to be notified if something did come available.

Not so promising.

I decided to wait and see whether anything came available as Noob's start date drew closer. In late November, I contacted all the places again. To my surprise, one place did have a new opening!

So Hubby and I went to visit. We both really liked it. The provider was located just around the corner from Littles' preschool, and she had been in business for almost 20 years. It was clear that she loved what she did!

She had converted her garage into a room for the daycare, where she had lots of educational toys and materials for the older kids (roughly ages 1+). Her daughter assisted her and took care of the infants, who mostly stayed in the living room. It matched up very well with what I wanted for Noob... a smaller, homey atmosphere, but with plenty of activity and stimulation, a limited number of providers, and flexibility in meeting his changing needs.

She provided a couple of references, which I called, and they all raved about her. I called her back to say that we would take the spot.

We waited to hear back.

And waited.

And waited.

I started to suspect something was wrong.

Sure enough, she came back to say that the child who was supposed to be starting in preschool, thus opening a spot at her daycare for Noob, was in fact staying at her daycare through the end of the school year.

It was mid-December. Hubby was going back to work in two weeks and we still had no child care lined up for Noob.

In my next post, I'll talk about what we did next!