Interesting article

Regrets of a stay-at-home mom

Consider this a warning to new mothers: Fourteen years ago, I "opted out" to focus on my family. Now I'm broke

http://www.salon.com/life/pinched/2011/01/05/wish_i_hadnt_opted_out

I'm posting this link here mostly as a reminder to myself :) I often get caught up in the short-term downsides of being a working mom, like how I have to miss Montessori Night at Littles' preschool in a few weeks for my third business trip in a 5-week period, or how pitiful Noob sounds when he cries as I leave him in the morning. I sometimes find myself thinking, "Gosh, I wish I could just quit. Put an end to this nonsense."

This article is a good reminder to me to think long-term. Yes, my kids will only be this little for a short period of time... and that's exactly why it's important for me to keep working through it. Short-term, yeah, maybe I'd be happier if I weren't working. But what about five years from now, when both kids are in school? I know I'm in a field that I can't just walk away from for a few years and pick up right where I left off. Working might not be the easy choice right now, but if I look just a few years down the road, I know it's the right one.

This comment on the article really blew my mind. I've bolded the parts that I really liked:

I didn't even love being home with my kids. Love my kids, but was grateful to work part-time with sane adults. (No brickbats, plz. I'm a good mother-- ask my kids- but this idea that kids need one woman devoted to their comfort 24 hours a day is pretty recent. Certainly my mother, grandmother, and greatgrandmother didn't do that, and their kids turned out just great.)

But all the part-time jobs were "family friendly," and that meant lousy pay and no benefits. So here I am, 50 with a chronic illness, a husband who lost his job AND our health insurance, and a bunch of part-time jobs none of which offer health insurance. And the only jobs I can get are similar jobs, all underpaid and unbenefited. And I can't get insurance coverage-- insurance companies don't offer private insurance to those who have pre-existing conditions. Six months from now, I'll be able to get the new health care bill insurance-- I am crossing my fingers that nothing goes wrong in between.

And you know, I could actually have given something to the world, not just my kids (who didn't much appreciate it anyway, to tell you the truth-- they think their dad is the cool one, because he went out and earned the money and got his name in the paper and all that). The loss of human potential is something no one factors in, but it's increasingly important to me as I realize I don't have a lot of time left to help people with my rather unique set of talents.

oh, and the husband? He never liked my choices. He "let" me do it, but he always wished aloud that I'd get a good job and make good money, and why did I keep talking about us being equal partners when he was the one working all day and I was the one with the "Freedom".

So-- no respect from kids, husband, society, employers. No benefits. No pension. Nothing on my resume but low-skill, low wage part time jobs. And minimal-- very minimal-- Social Security contributions.

When you're 30 and facing this decision, look forward 20 years. The kids will be grown, and trust me on this, they'll remember about 2% of those wonderful experiences you gave them. Kids know when they're loved and taken care of-- and you can do that just fine with a full-time, full-benefit job. Husband might still be around, might not, but don't assume he'll thank you for your choice to stay home. Or he might have moved on, and you're alone without health insurance.

Just look ahead. Make your choice not just on today but on the future too. And remember that you count, and your future counts, and factor your own well-being long term into your decision. You might still decide to stay home, but you might also think about how to mitigate the dangers -- like insist that your husband deposit 10% of his salary into an account that's just for your future. Take courses to qualify you for a new position (yes, you can do that part-time... you can even do it on line). Teach your kids to respect your choices. Go back to work when they go off to school, or work part time, or work every other year, or try to find a company with flex-time. Get on early with a forward-thinking big company that will promote you even if you work part-time.

You count too. Your future counts. Don't forget that like I did.

So... that is my reminder to myself. If it's a good reminder to you, too -- great :)